I haven’t had the spoons to write for a few weeks, but today, something was different, and I finished my breakfast with an ambitious, totally realistic plan to do a little work on Project Daffodil.
So I walk into my office, sit down, and realize that my desk is a clusterfuck of notes and magazines and stickers and … batteries? okay, batteries, I guess … and more than enough dust to complete the metaphor.
I stand up, and begin Unfucking my desk. It comes along nicely. I move the pile of New Yorkers I’m totally going to read to the top of the other pile of New Yorkers I’m totally going to read, careful not to disturb the pile of WIREDs I’m absolutely going to read.
I declare magazine bankruptcy; into the recycling they go.
Back to my desk. These sticky notes that fell off my monitor can enjoy their retirement catching up on the New Yorker. And I’ll just pick up this — what the? Okay, who even uses 9 volt batteries and why do I have one on my — oh, the smoke detector. Right. This should have gone into the trash when I put in a new battery on Daylight Saving Time. I glace around, furtively, Commander Hoek with his Beloved Ice Cream Bar. Real quick, before I toss it away, I taste it. Just to be sure.
Hm. These Gym Mats have very little battery zap in them. A surprisingly high number of 90s animation references, though. Into the bin.
I sort the stickers. Most will be added to project Cover This Box With Layer After Layer of Stickers. But one of them victoriously emerges from the rest, as a laptop contender. I place it on the desk where it will be … considered.
That’s when I get a closer look at the dust. I don’t know how thick a single layer of dust is, but this is enough to qualify for a blanket.
PRO TIP FROM UNCLE WIL: Iif you’re super lazy like me and hate dusting, you can put the air filter in your office to maximum, close the door, and use your compressed air thing to blast the dust off your desk, right into the air. The filter will suck it all out and you get to decide if you want that to be a dirty joke or not. This is not recommended for people with allergies. Wearing a mask while you do it is encouraged.
The dust settles. And now my work area is clean and orderly.
Well … except for that cable.
SOME TIME LATER
Fucking cables my god why does everything have to be so hard all I wanted was a Pepsi.
But the desk really does look great. In fact, I can feel the creative energy building around me and flowing…
…right into that stack of boxes in the corner, next to the bags of stuff I brought home from cons last year that I was going to sort through right after I got caught up on the New Yorker. It’s kind of pooling there, sloshing up on that Lego set I’ve been hoping to build since the 1900s.
Shit. Okay. I guess we’re doing this. Having unfucked the desk, I now turn my attention to unfucking the entire office.
I make three piles: recycle. trash. keep.
The keep pile is sorted into categories: Presidential Library, Art, Badges, Books, and so on. They will be put away in due time, but I linger on some of them: dice. drawings. notes from people who didn’t trust themselves to remember the words when they met me (I see you SO HARD, friends). And I remember how fun it was before Covid, how hard we’ve tried since Covid to make it fun again, and how much I’m sincerely excited to see my friends, castmates, and fellow nerds again in Austin next month.
I put the keepers away in their various proper places, handle the rest, and look around my freshly unfucked office. Now! I can get to work!
Into the chair. Okay, shake off the cobwebs, open xed and … oh. Wow.
Wow that’s … wow.
My keyboard is so dirty. Like, I need to write myself up for this. How did I not notice this before? Why is that key sticky? Is that cat fur? And is that … is that fucking barbecue sauce down there between the K and the L?
The keys come right off for easy cleaning. I have a little tool and everything.
Shit.
I’m not going to write a damn thing today, am I?
It gave me a lot of joy to see you call yourself uncle Wil. You know why.
I dust with a leaf blower. IF I ever dust.
I felt this in my soul. Not even going to look at my desk right now. We just maneuver around the piles.
1) it makes me happy that you know spoon theory. Cant tell you how many times my spouse and I both say “that sounds great, but I just don’t have a spoon for that.”
2) you might not have written (wrote? Wrotten?) but you were still productive and Got Shit Done(tm). For that, you get an atta Wil!
I FEEL YA! I just un-fucked MY desk this past weekend. All those cables weave themselves together if you don’t keep a close eye on them, but I found many items thought lost to time, so, worth it
When I was writing my first book and this happened WAY more often than I care to remember, I had to remind myself of that whole “the hardest part of writing is sitting down and writing” thing. Also, JUST ONE PEPSI!
This happens to me all the time. It’s infuriating! But at least you get a clean desk out of it.
I didn’t know you were also cleaning MY desk.. it could use it. Hope you get the brain juices flowing soon!
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I think that this is great dedication. Be proud and content. I would have shoved everything off of my desk into a box. Then place that box into my “I pretend the mess isn’t there corner” and move on. lol 😆
It gave me joy to see uncle wil! You know why. I dust with a leaf blower. IF I dust at all.
Did you eventually get around to vacuuming the cat?
I think it’s been at least a year since I purchased my new desk from Staples that is still in the box. Heavy sigh. Welcome to Neurodivergence!
You don’t have to write. Any day you achieve something is a win. Cleaning your office is a ‘something’ so you win.
Well done you! Making space so magic can happen.
Have a standing desk. My chair is shoved to the side and filled with old copies of Writer’s Digest that I’m totally going to read, take notes on Articles I Like and then recycle. Or maybe I was going to scan the articles with my printer and save as PDFs (for personal use only, of course). When I need to sit in the chair instead of standing, I love the pile to the desk. I can’t put them on the floor or any low surface because my dog, Indy, is the BEST paper shredder in the ‘verse. My office is in my bedroom and I fear I may be sleeping with these fucking magazines soon. Maybe I need to unfuck my writing space today.
I’m lucky that my desk never needs to be unfucked because I’m kind of a neat freak when it comes to my work spaces. My system works like this – if the pile of paperwork on top of the filing cabinet disappears, I’m up to date. On the other hand, the pile of paid bills and receipts that I can see at the bottom of my crappy shelving unit I can see from my home office, just continues to grow. I expect to be a basket case when I retire and have no papers to shuffle around.
Hey Wil, full support to you and your friends from the WGA & SAG during this time of industrial chaos. I’m a Union Delegate in my industry myself.
It may not be the work you planned to do, but cleaning up certainly counts as work too! That’s how a lot of my random cleaning gets done too, when I didn’t expect to be doing it. But when the urge to clean hits me, I like to take advantage of it. I often use a vacuum cleaner for dusting – the hose part with a brush attachment on the end – rather than an air compressor. (Once in a while I use a leaf blower for blowing out dust stuck to the inside of the vacuum cleaner, outside 🙂
I once cleaned off my desk and found a short sword.
You just prompted me to check for my bookshelf shortsword! Still there!
Ah, yes! Finals time was the one time in college I could always be sure to have a clean dorm room. Because it’s not procrastinating if you’re doing something useful…or something.
ahh yes.. do what i do with my ADHD brain.. yes i forgot to do the intended task, however i have done 10 other unintended task so net success.. even though a failure is logged 😀
I think this qualifies for the “Best Related Work” Hugo.
Hahahahaha!
I find that the more urgently I need to do a task, the more I want to do all the less important tasks around it instead.
I never want to clean or organize much when nothing is pressing. But when something else NEEDS to be done? When it’s actually a BAD time to do the other little things? All that small stuff immediately moves right in front of it to the top of the moment-to-moment priority list. 🙄
As others have mentioned, at least you got something good out of it.
Maybe…well clearly…. you didn’t write what you meant to but what you did write was delightful and funny…and very Wil. Thanks for letting the rest of us see this aspect of you…your kindred disorganized readers appreciate it! Didn’t get a chance to wish you happy birthday on time but you were thought of fondly and are wished another amazing ride around the sun.
You’re braver than I. I haven’t seen my desk in years. Much to my husband’s dismay, I’ve just moved my laptop and pile of papers to the dining room table 😬
“sharpening the saw”
There is no task that is simply the task, everything requires maintenance. Coders need to update their developer environment, chefs need to keep their stations clean, and it’s no surprise writers need to declutter.
Presidential Library? I’d vote for you. I mean, you were vice-president of the Oasis, which is already more political cred than the Big Orange Fascist had when he ran. Plus, you’re actually likeable and non-evil and stuff.
For a guy with ADHD such as myself, what you accomplished is a TOTAL win even if you didn’t complete (or, hell, even START) the original task at hand. That’s a W in my book. Have done it many times. But it’s a never ending process because, invariably, there are other messes elsewhere….
When you do write, I bet it’s a goodly amount.
I have Bipolar 2 and you have just described my approach to any job/activity I have to do. It amazes me I have a job sometimes.
Just a suggestion: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing
… How to tidy once and for all. How to keep it that way. I love this book.
https://www.amazon.com/Life-Changing-Magic-Tidying-Decluttering-Organizing/dp/1607747308/
Wow. Nice to be reminded it happens to others.
I feel this so hard. But hey, as least mostly unfucked office? Also, you’re coming to Austin next month? I’ll have to see if I can make it down there. I’ve been working most weekends, so I doubt it, but if I can, I’ll try. After all, Austin, many moons ago is where the “you didn’t tell me you were wabbit89” thing happened when I was in my duct tape Sparks McGee shirt. Ah, good times. The before times.
Ha! Looks like wordpress is finally working for me again. It’s been a long time, so I forgot that said duct tape Sparks is my avatar (photo credit: you). 😉 But anyway…I’m going to Dragon Con, so I’ll miss you in Austin. Looks like a great lineup there, though. As much as I want to see my family and do my costumes the way only Dragon Con can, if I wasn’t already committed to Atlanta, I’d sure think about Austin instead. Have a good time and recharge with your family, Wil. Peace and love.
Coincidentally, I also cleaned my desk just an hour before reading this!
…sort of!
Okay, the junk is all in one big “sort this later” pile. But the REST of my desk is looking AWESOME.
I fully sympathize, I really do. My bedroom is a disaster area, planning for a trip to Europe.
Can you look into recycling the batteries? They contain heavy metals and other toxic chemicals that leach into landfills and then into groundwater. There should be information available about recycling in your area.
Love you guys, and love the work you do for nerds, for mental health, for animals, and for yourselves.
My brain has been on a journey, moving over the years from the Volcano Method of desk management (much paper. MUCH paper. In piles. The important stuff percolates to the crater in the middle…) to me realising that actually hurts my brain, and slowly but surely getting to cleaner/neater/more organised work spaces. Changing jobs was great for that! A new whole, clean, desk? There’s nothing on that except for the necessities! (Well, and photo of my kids. Which is a necessity.) Paper? Like what, it’s the 20th century? Ok, COVID didn’t help, because I spend most of my time now at my desk at home, which is still a work in progress…
Odd to me that you mentioned throwing a battery in the trash. That’s a total no-no in Europe! They have to go to WEEE recycling, which always sounds funny! (Waste Electrical and Electronic Equipment recycling, for anything cabled/electrical/electronic).
This was me trying to learn the solo from “Smells Like Teenage Spirit” today. Well.. after I changed the strings on my guitar. Well… after I replaced the tuners with locking ones. Well… after I gave the whole neck a good cleaning. Well…
Hey Will – first time commenter here – just wanted to let you know you’re one of my favorite people in Hollywood, and from what l know about you – what you’ve gratiously and thoughtfully been willing to share with us – a truly good person. The world could use a lot more Wil Wheatons right now! I totally identified with your Stand By Me character, as well as what you were going through back then. Don’t even let let the haters and trolls get you down – you’re awesome!
I can write, technical writing, not poetry or prose, although I am not the biggest fan of it.
And yet for some reason, I did a school track and now have two professional jobs that require or required a fair amount of writing. This trap is so easy for me to fall into.
This is me, right now, trying to clean off my coffee table. Down to the “maybe this sticker will go on my laptop” pile of contestants.