August 23 is WWdN’s official birthday. It was 24 years ago last week that I finished building a website from scratch (in notepad, using raw html), after about 6 weeks of intensive study, and many late nights of trial and several errors, and turned the lights on here, for the first time. Sadly, the earliest capture I can find at the Internet Archive is from 2002, but this is pretty much what it looked like for most of its first decade:
You’ve come a long way, baby.
Almost a quarter of a century, man. Twenty-four years. And to think that it had only been a few weeks earlier that I used Geocities to make my first website that I called Where’s My Burrito? I started my blog with this:
So the votes are officially in.
Out of the total of 4 votes I got, all of them said it would be cool to have an online journal, so here it is.Extra special thanks go to loren who directed me to blogger, a website that will hopefully make this whole weblog (the cool kids call it a “blog”) easy and painless.
I’m off now to make dinner for the family. You know what we’re having tonight?
Burritos. No shit.
“The cool kids call it a blog.” Heh.
What a journey, huh? From there to here, in so many ways, even if I did have total access to the part of me that puts words together, I don’t know that I could fully communicate what it has all meant. I guess it’s a quarter century of growing up, becoming who I always wanted to be, and all the joys and sorrows along the way. I mean, I don’t have to tell you; a lot of you reading this today were also reading that, all those years ago.
I’m going to pause a moment to clearly and loudly say thank you to everyone who supported and encouraged me, then and now and in between. It’s been about 8300 days since I cut the ribbon here, and looking through my archives, I saw that I wrote this in on my blog’s birthday in 2019, after about 6500 days:
28 year-old me was struggling so much, in those days. He was trying so hard to be a good husband and stepfather with pretty much no support from his narcissist parents who weren’t thrilled about him marrying a woman with children. He struggled with undiagnosed depression, Anne’s vindictive and destructive ex-husband, and not meeting the extremely high expectations he had for himself. He has some real painful days ahead, but he gets through them with the love and support of his phenomenal wife, who he still can’t believe picked him, out of all the humans on the planet. He doesn’t know it, yet, but writing this blog is going to change his life, save his life, and make it possible for him to find his own dream, instead of trying (and failing) to live someone else’s.
I have grown and healed so much since 2019, in spite of the chaos, trauma, and cruelty we have all been subjected to since 2016, and I’m almost as proud as I am grateful.
I wanted to write something last week to mark this moment, but just couldn’t find the words, so I celebrated the moment quietly, which is how I’ve been doing basically everything for the last couple of years, while I am intensely focused on my own recovery. I don’t think I even mentioned to Anne that the date had passed.
That’s kind of where I’ve been, creatively and energetically, for this entire year. I mentioned in an Instagram reel that I haven’t had access to my creative self all year, I think largely because of the shock and trauma of America’s dumbfucks voting to put a fascist tyrant and his administration of incompetent criminals back into power, after we all saw how incompetent, evil, cruel, destructive, and violent they are.
Really great work, everyone. Especially everyone who was really worried about the cost of living, you know, the milk and eggs crowd? How’s that working out for you? And all the Walk Away people must be sleeping so well these days. Just fantastic fucking work all over the place, you fucking chuds. They are planning to ban the Covid vaccine, so those of us who want to protect ourselves from all the stupid conspiracy theorist dipshits who think bullshit and science are just “opinions” are just fucked, now. You’ve doomed us all to the world you alone deserve. I, for one, will never forget what you did to us, and I will never forgive you. I hope you spend the rest of your miserable lives ostracized, alone, and afraid. May you never know a moment of peace. May you wear your support for this petty little tyrant like a scarlet letter, so everyone knows who you are and what you did.
Anyway, as you can see, I’ve been distracted and preoccupied with all of this endless horror. I’m just exhausted by ten in the morning every day, and try as I might to find other things for my attention and time, I keep getting drawn back to the news, hoping I’ll see The Headline, or some indication that the entire Republican party, its punditry, and its media echo chamber have finally stopped being singularly focused on protecting and covering up for a pedophile rapist and his child sex trafficking pals. And I haven’t even touched on the endless attacks on innocent people who have been declared Enemies of the State because of who they love or the color of their skin. It’s fucking disgusting, deplorable, infuriating, and has ripped the mask off of much of America. It’s been really hard for a lot of us who grew up reciting and believing “liberty and justice for all”.
That’s my head, every day. I’m worried for the people I love, I’m sick to my stomach as I watch six unelected, transparently corrupt, Christian Nationalists issue unsigned decrees that overturn the will of the voters as they hand more and more unchecked power to a criminal and his criminal organization.
It is so hard to tell stories, to find the joy and release in creative writing, when I feel like the world outside my window is on fire. Sure, my privilege currently protects me, but Timothy Snyder pointed out that if we have to remind ourselves of all the ways we are currently safe from political lawlessness, we are already living in an autocracy. That’s scary as fuck to me.
For a lot of us who are survivors of abuse, every day with this motherfucker making everything about him and his fragile little ego is jabbing a finger into a deep bruise that can’t ever fully heal. For a lot of us who have worked so hard to leave and overcome our abusers, to live our lives as fully as possible in spite of our experiences, it is an endless struggle of flashbacks and nervous system dysregulation, while we remind our bodies that we aren’t trapped with our abuser anymore. Thank god for EMDR. Thank god I can afford regular mental health care. Thank god he’s going to die and hopefully soon.
I haven’t wanted to write anything in my blog because what I just wrote is all I have been able to write. When I want to tell a fun story about playing Mysterium with my family, taking my son axe throwing for his birthday, celebrating my son earning his Master’s Degree and starting his PhD, or any of the things I couldn’t wait to write Before All This, I stare at an empty document while I write and erase ten words over and over again, hoping these will be the ones that grant me access to my Creative Self. And the harder I try to find them, the more effectively they hide from me.
I have also felt like I shouldn’t write in my blog, while I have been struggling to write and turn in two pieces that I agreed to write last year. One is an introduction to a book, and the other is a short piece of fiction. Last week, I finally broke through on the introduction. After almost a full year of struggling and failing, I found it. It was so much fun to work on, so deeply satisfying to finish, and such a relief to turn in. I have never been this late on anything. I hope I’ll never be this late on anything again. I hope nobody notices that I’m writing in my blog when I haven’t finished the other thing, which I have started and abandoned too many times to count. I have probably written ten thousand words or so, trying to find the approximately 700 or so I committed to assembling into a story. I’ve tried to come at it so many different ways, from big ideas to small ideas, from limited points of view to omniscient points of view, and nothing is sticking. It just feels like I’m writing with someone else’s hands that don’t fit quite right. Maybe writing here today will help me find my own fingers again.
Maybe I needed time away, and that’s why I didn’t write anything in my blog for over a month, not even on the day that was a cause for celebration, the anniversary of the moment I took my first big step into the world that had always been hidden from me, or made inaccessible, by my dysfunctional family and abusive parents.
And I know that it is weird to hear a 53 year-old man talk about his parents and his childhood so much. I see pretty cruel commentary about that online, and while I don’t take it personally, I do compassionately hope that the kids who are saying it only do so because they haven’t experienced what I have, so they can’t understand. I get it; in a lot of ways, I feel like I’ve only been living my own life since I quit drinking in 2016 (hell of a year to start rawdogging reality, wil), and I’ve only been doing the work to recover from and manage CPTSD for a couple of years.
I don’t know how to do any of this, but I’m trying to figure it out. I know that writers get stuck and find their way out of it, and I’ve been doing my best to give myself patience and grace and space to figure it all out … I’m just growing impatient, is the thing.
I have a great story just sitting here, inches away from my fingertips, and I can’t figure out how to grasp it.
So I guess I’ll remind myself that I’ve been putting words together in public for about 8500 days, I’ve written a bunch of books — including a New York Times bestseller! — and that whatever it takes to do it is in me. It’s just doing a very good job of Not Being Seen.
But this feels like something of a start, anyway. I forget that it’s okay to make short, silly, 50 word posts here. I forget that I don’t have to follow up every long absence with something profound and carefully edited.
I’ve been doing this for almost 25 years, and I still forget. But today, I remembered.
Thanks for listening to me.
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I also have trauma in my past. I did EMDR many years ago and it took the sting out of the some of the memories. Yay me!
When I was anxious & depressed, and unproductive and dysfunctional in the past, I would force myself to look around and consider that the majority of people were still getting up and going to work and school, paying bills, taking care of their children, etc even when there were terrible things going on in the world. It actually brought me some peace knowing that if so many others could do it then it was possible for me. It took longer than I liked sometimes; but Lo and behold, I got well every time.
You’re very passionate about Trump (and half the country!). I wonder if you wrote some fictional story expressing the hate, maybe it would dissipate some creating room in your head for creativity and work.
My 2 cents.
-Tiffany
Will, hang in there, we’re all frustrated by this strange new world which seems so unfair and deranged but I always try to remind myself not to dwell or focus on those things that I have no control over. If I constantly worried about all the crazy shit going on in the world today, I think I would be living in a state of panic and on the verge of going crazy. I try to just keep improving myself and self-reflecting on my actions, words and intentions which are the only thing truly in my control. I hope your creativity comes back soon and 10-fold and in the meantime know that many of your fans appreciate you and are rooting you on!
I am a 62 year old nerdy Canadian woman who finds you and your words inspiring, sad, uplifting, heartfelt, poignant and entirely relevant. Thank you, for sharing with so many of us, and I look forward to many more words as you are able!
I love you so much, fellow abuse survivor!
Hey, 61 year old fan here, since Stand By Me, which I saw in the theater and was a memorable film for me and many of my cohort, slightly older than you. Also lifelong Trekker. Keep writing. We’re reading and learning with you. Best wishes to you and yours.
Wil, I agree with what you are saying…I feel the same. But you can’t let tRump and his minions bring you down – not when you’ve come so far. Type out every nasty rotten thing you can think of about tRump and what is happening to our country. Then print it out. Read it several times, at least once outloud.
Now the best part. Destroy what you just read. Crumple, tear, shred, even burn 🔥 it. Toss what remains in the trash. Empty that trash. Now let go of those feelings and tell yourself that tRump has no power over you. Don’t let him take up room in your head. Keep speaking out. Keep protesting. Keep posting. But lose the anger. He isn’t worth it.
We will be victorious!
I’m always happy to read your blog posts. And good for you for doing the heavy lifting. Loved “Still Just a Geek” BTW. Sending good thoughts.
Thank you for writing! Thank you for sharing yourself in this special way. Being human is hard, and I know I struggle with my own stuff all the time. It’s good to know I am not alone.
Wil, I get it. I don’t even live in the U.S., but reading the news each day is like getting punched in the face repeatedly. It’s hard to not be completely despondent. I’m in Canada and every day I think, “How the [explicatives] did they let this happen!?” “If it could happen there, could it happen here?” “What the [explicative] is wrong with people?”.
I think that, but then I remember what is actually wrong with people. We’re so broken. We are so so broken. We try and try to fix ourselves, but the harder we try to make ourselves right, the further we get from admitting that we are wrong – there is something really wrong with us. There is a way that seems right to us, but the end is destruction. So so much destruction. I can tell you’ve been hurt by a lot of idiots claiming to love God, but anyone who hates their fellow human beings – any colour, any nationality, any sex, any gender, any creed – (who are all made in God’s image) has no idea who God is. So yeah. The world is one hell of a mess. We need love. It’s sounds so stupidly cliché, but it’s weirdly true. Acknowledging that The One loves us – all us f’d up people – and that we need to love each other. We can’t love others well until we understand how much we are loved by One who is much greater than we are. We are loved. Period. Not loved because of what we’ve done right. Not loved because we are nice people. Not loved conditionally. We can’t lose that love. We can reject it, but it will never be taken away. Love so wide and deep and unfathomable. If we can get a glimpse of how much we are loved, then we can, for real, love our enemies. Love those who we’d rather punch in the face because of the mess they’ve made. Love those who hurt us (that doesn’t mean we give them power to hurt us more – no way – get out of there!). That will at least start to make things better. It’s a start. God knows, I’m not there yet. I’m still trying to earn my way even when I know that’s not going to work. God knows, I’ve got a lot more to let go of in order to be loving, kind, good. And some days I just want to punch someone in the face (or kick ’em in the balls). I’m still broken, but I’m learning (slowly) to be loved and to love. To do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God. May Peace find us all.
Agreed
Thank you for continuing to share your childhood stories, how the abuse impacted your adulthood, and the ways you behaved to heal from the damage. I started reading your blog around the halfway point after Mitzi and Leah said you were kind and that your stories might help me process my own. I’m so grateful they were both correct and that you were indeed kind and your stories did help me process my own. Please continuing sharing. You’re a light. 🙂
I see you, friend. I’m sorry we are in the club together, but grateful neither of us is alone.
So here I am…writing a comment all the way from the UK…I just wanted to send lots of love and kind thoughts your way! That’s all…pure and simple! x
just dropping in with a <3. hang in there!
Hi, Wil! And Happy Blogthday! I am too new to your blog (meaning I wish that I had found it ages ago), and every time I read a post it feels just nice and like I have a friend who thinks kind of like me, who has been through and is fighting some of the things that I have been through and am fighting (I became free from substances about the same time as you, and I am unhappy about the current state of “things”, etc.), who is smart enough, eloquent enough, and emotionally intelligent enough to express his feelings in the way that you do, and is generous enough to share all of that.
Nobody is reading my blog (largely, I assume, because I do not actually write a blog), so I won’t bore anyone with a lot of details, but I am about to embark on a new challenge in my life that is a bit daunting and scary, but just knowing that you’re here and doing it – perhaps struggling a bit, but keeping on despite the struggles – gives me some courage, strength and determination. I really appreciate you and what you do. Thank you.
You just made me realize my “painter’s block “ is probably related to the fire outside our window. I feel you. Best regards.
❤️❤️❤️🤗 Thank you for being transparently you.
First time. Long time. Happy Birthday Wil’s Blog. And, a message for Mr. Wheaton that surely he has heard before. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve made some mistakes and you learned from it and you will make more mistakes and as long you keep learning from them, that’s growth, that’s good. And, if you made no mistakes… well, a screenwriter once wrote “It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.” Live long and prosper Wil and Wil’s blog.
I appreciate that. I’m honestly not hard on myself any longer, not at all like I always was. I genuinely love myself, and every version of myself, even the ones I’m not proud to have been.
August 23 is also our wedding anniversary! 39 years this year. We are proud to share it with WWdN! Yay for everyone!
Happy anniversary! We’re sixteen years behind you and closing fast!
I’ve been reading your blog for a little over a month now, and it’s genuinely my favourite thing to read now. I haven’t gone through everything that you have, but I still find myself relating to a lot of your writing. Mostly about trauma recovery, and the constant struggle to heal ourselves in a world that keeps hurting us. I can’t even begin to describe the relief I feel simply from reading that I’m not alone in this. You always manage to put into words things I’m not always aware I’m feeling, and most importantly things I need to hear but often forget.
All this to say, thank you for writing. Seriously, sincerely, thank you for writing.
-Blue
Fellow writer here (poet) who has also been feeling like I can’t do my creative work because of the national cesspool. Thank you for the blog post–anything we create is an act of defiance.
Just be the best you ! And you usually are.
Mr. Wil Wheaton,
I strongly believe you are stronger noe cause of your life experiences.
This may sound odd cause you or no one deserves to go through the truma you went through and continue to go through.
You are a remarkable man, with a huge heart! Your millions of fans love you and that includes me. We want to protect you, so please know that.
Life is about giving and you may be in your fifty’s but that means nothing. We love you for who you are.
Remember any relationship is a two way deal. Anything less is being used
Your friend,
Casey.
Goodbye Wil, I’ll miss your humor, honesty, insight….yada yada yada. What I won’t miss is always having to duck my head and try not to feel attacked. I am not a dumb fuck, just like you aren’t. I deserve as much understanding and respect as I give even though I didn’t vote like you did.
You did this to us, you helped cause all of this. And yet here you are, the poor little victim of big bad me. Go live with yourself, and never come back.
You just fed her persecution complex, but indeed, what’s the alternative? Use the comment section of your blog for debate over whether transforming America into an inward-facing police state and racist social hierarchy—one dominated by a petty, sociopathic minority which routinely confuses order with law, and retribution with justice—might actually not be the only option, or even a good one, for dealing with grievances over wedge issues which her media bubble pushes her to get way too angry about?
I’m also never sympathetic with people who make a big show of leaving.
The leopards will come for her face sooner or later. Oh, I’m sure she and others like her will never admit they were played, but I do hold out some hope that they will nevertheless accept more moderate leadership in the future, and that political disagreements won’t keep us from enjoying the things we still have in common.
Keep fighting the good fight. Don’t get discouraged from posting. It’s your blog. Post what you want. People will come and go.
Maybe not a dumb f*** but definitely an idiot. How can you honestly ignore all that tRump. Has done?
Seriously, the Covid vaccine thing is total bullshit. Do we have to find a Dr and meet them in a warehouse or something to get it? I still don’t want Covid.
Anyway, very proud of you Wil, keep on keeping on, despite those fuckwads.
“Maybe writing here today will help me find my own fingers again.”
I instantly heard the Robot Devil in my head going, “You have what my old music teacher, Mrs. Mellinger, used to call – stupid fingers!”
“They’re very good hands!”
I share your feelings, Wil. Everything seems to be falling apart and tRump is at the center of most of it. I hear the anger – and hurt in your words. Don’t let him get in your head like this. He isn’t worth the angst.
A suggestion. Type out all the nasty, evil things about tRump. All of them. Print the page(s) out. Then read what you wrote, outloud at least once. After that destroy it. Crumple, tear, shred, even 🔥 burn. Then take what’s left, trash the residue and dispose of it outside.
Whenever you feel that angst rising think of that trash. It’s gone and so can those feelings be. tRump can’t hurt you unless you let him. Keep writing and posting the truth. Keep protesting in any way you can
Above all else, be happy. Let nothing take that from you. Especially tRump.
We all care about you. ❤️
.
Thanks for this, Wil. Great to hear from you, a sane voice against all the insanity. All the cruelty and inhumanity. Your full writing voice will come back when it’s ready. Get it some ice cream or a grilled cheese. Bribery is not against the rules here.
Not everything has to be a lengthy masterpiece, not everything has to be short. Not everything has to be full of Important Things, not everything has to be silly, not everything has to make any sense whatsoever. This is Your Space. Write what you want, write when you want. We’ll be here, when you are.
A friend who writes fairly popular self-published books lost his muse…for about 10 years. He was devastated, but he Just. Couldn’t. Write. She finally came back a couple of years ago, and he was so relieved. But there was nothing he could do to force the writing while she was gone. It happens.
Be well. And happy blogaversary!
Just wanted to throw in that you’re not alone. I have all the tools I need to make art, but it’s been so very hard this year. I’m just exhausted all the time – and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head as to why. Not just the fascism, the threat, the constant drip of cortisol, but some of us KNOW this behavior, the willful twisting of truth and lying about even the smallest things. The self-involvement. It “pokes a bruise” as you say. Thanks for putting that into words.
OHMYGOD You freaking just put into words everything the rest of us are feeling about this country, the dumbfucks running it, and the even dumberfucks in our state who will support them till they day they (all) die. My stomach is in knots daily and, although I’m a strong, independent woman, which seems to be enough to set them off these days, I’m still not even a person of color or immigrant or part of [fill- in- the- blank] group.
Thank you for being in this world and reminding us all were not alone and that it’s ok and even right to expect better from our society.
Appreciate you, Wil, and have for so many of these years! Solidarity. We have to keep fighting, and we can’t let them squash our creativity. I genuinely believe it’s the antidote to despair.
Happy Bloggiversary!
Congratulations to you and your loved ones for each of your triumphs, big and small.
Thank you for being one of the people who tells the truth and actually cares.
I just wrote and deleted a long, rambling comment because I just don’t trust my own words a lot of the time lately. What I really want to say is: I see you, I understand you, and I’m with you.
And I picked the wrong decade to stop sniffing glue.
You have many good thoughts. Thanks for sharing.
Always happy to read your correspondence and marvel at how you sound like every other person going through shit. Yeah, I’m a bit fangirl, but your writing is such a gift to so many of us. And EMDR is amazing. Thank you for being such a down to earth geek 🤓 💖
I know someone who grew up with an abusive mother with narcissistic qualities (possibly NPD) who has found a lot of meaning and validation in your writing about your childhood experiences. I also know other people who… well, out of respect for their privacy, I won’t give details, but your writing has helped me understand their struggles better and be a better friend.
You have done a wonderful thing by sharing your struggles and your journey towards healing, a goodness which I’m sure will radiate for far further into the future than the current political administration will stay in power.
Happy blogiversary, and continued kudos to continuing to do the hard work.
Something that helped me immensely immediately post-election, when I was full of lots of rage and despair, was someone calming saying: “For those other people? I will make room for them in the Resistance when they realize their error and decide to join us.” It just took such a weight off of me: there’s a clear boundary (hello, if you don’t support, oh I dunno, basic human rights, you can F right off, and I don’t have to expend any effort in respecting you), but also a way out of pain. I don’t need to waste my energy being mad at someone specific: I can just write them off – until they join the Resistance, if they ever do. And when they do, I will also save myself the energy by not indulging in I Told You So. By the way, that’s self-serving: if I indulge in that, it means that person’s friends (who probably voted similarly) won’t join us, and I could use more people in the Resistance. Lastly, my friends who are being hurt, they need my energy, I’d rather spend my energy there, and “where I spend my energy” is one of the darn few things I still control in this day and age.
It doesn’t make me a saint. I still have lots of dark thoughts that I’ll spare you and everyone else. But it helps me, which is why I share it – maybe you’ll find a Wil variant that helps you, or if you already have, I missed it in your post, mea culpa.
That is amazing Wil, back then it was super hard to do anything online. I remember trying to even use it back then and it was impossible! I thought what a stupid invention the internet. People were taking courses on how use it and I said forget it!
You have done some amazing things in your life and continue to do so now. Your have always been my hero!
You fight huge personal battles all your life while pushing forward to me that is a Champion! A talanted, intelligent human being 👍
That is amazing Wil, back then it was super hard to do anything online. I remember trying to even use it back then and it was impossible! I thought what a stupid invention the internet. People were taking courses on how use it and I said forget it!
You have done some amazing things in your life and continue to do so now. Your have always been my hero!
You fight huge personal battles all your life while pushing forward to me that is a Champion! A talanted, intelligent human being 👍
Thank you for writing this and sharing it with all of us. Really grateful for you.
OMG you NAILED it. I’m a 72 year old fan of your journey. I loved your work in Star Trek, and so happy to have been enjoying your creativity and sharing over the past few years. My wife and I were just talking about why we are so tired. Yeah, we’re past 70; but the fucking idiots that elected the fucking idiots have forced us to hit the streets to protest and get active organizing. WTF, this is not what I wanted! The stress level is sky high. But here comes a breath of fresh air called Wil’s post. mmmmmm! Reset time and get our mind and bodies focused on us and what’s important. Thanks for sharing. You motivate me to continue to fight for those who can’t.
In case you don’t/can’t remember it, a lot of us love you, support you, and are here to listen. We promise.
Wil, I’ve been feeling so much the same as you describe. It sucks. This whole situation sucks. But I have to say, reading your words during this dark time is a highlight, and brings me some joy, even if it is just because someone I have admired since I was a kid (and I’m 53, too) shares many of the same thoughts and feelings as I do. Happy Blog Anniversary, and thank you for sharing your words with us!
Speaking as someone who was lucky enough to spend a bit of time with you a couple of times on the JoCo Cruise, I think you are a great person, who has, AND DESERVES, a wonderful wife. Not to mention your two great boys! You have gone through some devastating experiences growing up and have come through it as a wonderful person. Bless you, Wil Wheaton!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Yeah, you’ve been talking about your abusive childhood a lot lately, but you NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT for 45+ years before that. All in all you haven’t talked about it all that much. I know you already don’t…but don’t listen to the haters. You will stop talking about it once your soul gets used to the new normal that they don’t control you anymore. And that will take as long as it takes.
As for the creativity struggles, I feel you. I’m not one of those artists who use art to work through my troubles, I channel my good feelings into my art. And I didn’t realize this until covid when that and a suicide of a loved one sapped all the art out of me. But I’m pleased to say I am slowly getting back into it. My situation is clearly way more heavy than yours, but I think there is a common thread of not being able to force creativity. You have to feed it what it need for however long it takes until it comes back. But it will. We humans were born to create. And you will again!!
I appreciate this perspective so much. Thank you.
Wil, congratulations on your blog-a-versary! As soon as I found it a couple of years ago, it’s been the first tab on my bookmarks. When I sign in, your name pops up; I remember we are all in this together. I’m a writer, (I know, calling and curse) and some days finding words is like grinding bricks with a cheese grater. We keep going, as best we can, taking things day by day, piece by piece. It’s easier than processing everything everywhere all at once as it comes at us. We will win, we will survive, but not without damage. That’s the great unknown, the part that bothers me the most. What can we do to minimize the “now” to make the “next” better? The every day good, like your axe-throwing son and the Masters/PhD goals, those are great. My son and DIL are involved in prank wars with neighbors, which somehow involve golf carts and fireworks. My youngest never returns my texts. Or anyone else’s. A helicopter parent I’m not, until he turns me into one and I jokingly ask for proof of life. This is life for now. We all hate the orange menace, and when I can, I join the marches. I wear “Resist” shirts out in public. I have stickers on my very old car. I’m one of those elderly white hippies (a younger elder). Nothing can stop me…except my back on certain days. Even then I have my words and my cell phone. One phone call, one email, one anti-fascist anything is a good thing. Then I text my youngest and threaten helicopters if it’s been too long. Balance the good and the WTF events as best you can in however many words you can find. It will always be the right amount.
Thank you for sharing your voice and thoughts, you are not alone.
I believe these self observations, considerations and ultimately love have already taken you to that very second when your fingers hit your keyboard and fly.
Hi, Wil,
I’ve been following your blogs and emails for some time and have read “Still Just a Geek” and “Dancing Barefoot.” I so admire your eloquence and your courage in addressing issues that, though painful for you, are helpful and reassuring for so many of the rest of us. I certainly understand how you might be distracted by what’s happening in this country politically. I, too, am often sidetracked by thoughts on the cruelty and selfishness of this administration and am ashamed by how the conman in the white house has tarnished our image in the world.
Like you, my younger brother also suffered from bouts of depression. He passed away in 2011 from pancreatic cancer. He, too, was a writer. Several years after his death I published two of his novels. In one of them, "Forty Ways To Square a Circle," the protagonist is a high school humanities teacher (which my brother was) and the primary caregiver to an elderly aunt with dementia (which my brother was). The two competing stresses of dealing with a school principal bent on crippling the humanities program and the progression of his aunts illness lead him into depression and to a rather surprising conclusion. The book was a finalist for the "Wishing Shelf Book Award" (a British award for independently publish books). One book reviewer wrote, "'Forty Ways To Square a Circle' is an erudite story, layered with observations on the human condition that extend from the ancient Greek to pop culture of the late 20th century. It's a forceful argument for teaching the humanities and a poignant love song to humanity - and other living things. Best of all, it's a mighty fine read." If you would have it, I'd like to send you a copy of the book. I know it would be unwise to give out your home address but if you have a P.O. box or the address of an agent or friend to which I could send it, I'd be very happy to. I know you have veered away from acting but you'd be perfect as the protagonist! The other of his novels that I published is a comic story called "I See London, I See France...".Since my brother's death, I've written two songs about depression in the hope that in some small way they might help those suffering from it to know that others have a least a measure of understanding of what they're experiencing. If you'd like to see them, I'd be more that happy to send you copies of the lyrics (by mail or email).
Please keep writing. Don't let the bully in the white house deter you from your critically important mission. I love your writing but, I must say, I'm also smitten by your performances. I value my DVD of "Stand By Me." Your portrayal was perfection!
Stay healthy. All my best to you.
Arnie Hummasti
First time commenting, but I just wanted to say that I think it’s brave how you share your recovery process and what’s in your brain.
Also – on the writing – I so hear you and it is so hard to shut out the dumpster fire the world has become and be creative. Good luck to us all.
Yep, I found you tot too long after that. Never stop sharing. Your writing is beautiful, and besides that, sharing your experience made me realize the behavior of my parents was NOT normal and I was able to get therapy and be a better mom to my kids. (And when the insurance kicks in Oct 1 from husbands new job I get to resume therapy yay!)
I’ve never hated a president and administration as much as this one. And never before has it affected our daily lives in the way it is now.
I saw a letter to the med staff on Reddit last night that UM is stopping gender affirming care for kids under 19. Finns appt was Sept 4.
The kids started school yesterday and the twins hate middle school so much they cried all evening.
My mama heart is so heavy, I don’t know what to do.
I can’t be in a creative place with all this upheaval and chaos. The creative projects of mine sit, untouched. I don’t rely on that for my job though, so I feel for you.
Happy birthday
Hi Mimi, as a mom of two neurodiverse kids I can get a glimpse of the pain you are feeling for you kids right now. I’m not sure if you are in a position where you can afford to, but if you can, pull your kids out of the terrible mess of the school system and teach them yourself. There is loads and loads of curriculum that you can buy. Best thing about homeschooling is that you can make the education / schedule fit your kids and not try to shoe horn them into something that will just cause trauma. Homeschooling my ADHD / autistic kids was the best thing I did for my family. They went back to public school for high school, but we still did in on our own terms (taking fewer classes and taking longer to finish).
My oldest is neurodiverse af, and just started a new high school that should be a great fit for them. The twins who just entered middle school did HORRIBLE at “homeschool” when it was Covid. One twin in particular, will not participate. Besides that I work like 25 hours a week and it’s not sustainable.
It’s not for us but I appreciate the thought. I sure hope things improve though.
Wil, I followed you since your days on TNG. I am just about a year older than you, and I saw in you on TNG someone who I could relate to. I was on the Internet back then. I saw all those people on Usenet who were so unfair to you all because the writers on TNG just didn’t know how to write for a young person. My best advice for you today is to cleanse for 30 days from all the BS in the news and on social media. On or off the media, the truth is that it won’t make a difference if you follow closely or not at all for 30 days. Spend some time just connecting with the people you love, including your creative self. Just spend time connecting with important people in your life. A text just won’t do it. Think of someone important to you that you haven’t talked to in person for more than a year and try to meet up with them. Just you and that person. Not at a show, not for a podcast or interview, but something personal with that person, and just that person. It will do wonders for your mental health. Your creative self is still in there. You just have to open the window, blow out the dust, sweep out the junk, and let the sun shine in. You’ll find him again.
Hey Wil,
Just stopping by to say: I love you. Always have, always will. Thanks for all the fish.