Category: blog

silently and back to me

Posted on 21 May, 2015 By Wil

Patrick Stewart and I were participating in a charity auction. We both had our TNG uniforms to put on the block, and a room filled with over a thousand people was waiting for us to bring them onto the stage … but I couldn’t find mine. I searched a seemingly infinite number of closets in a hotel room that seemed to change size and configuration, thwarting my increasingly harried efforts to find it.

Then I was on the street in front of a different hotel. I needed to check out, but my suitcase was locked inside my room, and I didn’t have a key. I climbed a precarious fire escape and made my way across a cavernous lobby atrium — looking and feeling like something out of Angel Heart — to finally get inside the room.

When I got into the hotel room, I realized that I had to change out of my clothes. I didn’t know why, but I knew that it was incredibly important that I do it. I began to change my clothes, but when I took off my shirt, it revealed another shirt beneath it. When I took off that shirt, it happened again.

I had to check out of this hotel room, or I was going to miss my flight to Australia, but before I could leave, I had to take a shower. But I couldn’t take a shower until I changed out of my clothes, and the clock was ticking down. I began to panic.

I opened my eyes and saw my bedroom dimly lit by the faintest grey light of dawn through my blinds. My heart was pounding, my body was covered in sweat. Cold terror washed over me as I woke up, and I realized that I was in the middle of a panic attack.

This used to happen to me on an almost nightly basis, but it hasn’t happened for years, until this week. This week, it’s happened every night. I’m starting to dread going to sleep, creating what I think is a self-fulfilling prophecy, an orobouros of anticipation and terror.

I breathed as deeply and calmly as I could, willing my heart to calm down. It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real. I repeated, in my head. Just stress dreams. You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re okay.

I’m not okay.

By any objective measure, I don’t have a good reason to feel stressed or worried or even mildly upset about anything, but my brain is broken and it does this to me when I least expect it. Like it’s waiting for to me work long and intense days, so I’m tired and weak when I climb into bed, so it can launch a sneak attack when I’m least able to defend against it.

My heart settled down. I realized that I hadn’t had any feeling in my hands, when feeling began to return to them. I sighed heavily, and frowned. This isn’t fair. I should be able to go to sleep without fearing what is waiting for me when I get there. I was frustrated. I was a little angry. I was really, really exhausted, even though I’d been in bed and sleeping for close to eight hours.

I was filled with a mixture of adrenaline and dread, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep. Though I didn’t technically need to be up and out of bed for another hour, I angrily kicked off the covers, and got out of bed.

This isn’t fair, I thought. This isn’t fair.

A bunch of stuff about Dread, Titansgrave, Armada, Brewing TV, and TNG

Posted on 19 May, 201520 May, 2015 By Wil

There’s a lot of stuff to share, which all happened in the last 24ish hours for some reason, so I’m just going to put all that stuff here in one post, instead of spreading it out.

We released a video and some information about Hank Green’s Titansgrave character, Aankia. Similar introductions will be released throughout this week.
I filmed a wrap-up thing for Dread, instead of a winner’s wall thing, because a winner’s wall felt inappropriate for that episode. For some reason I’ve forgotten, it didn’t get into the final cut of part 2, so we put it on Geek & Sundry today as a bonus.
I talked to the Mission Log podcast about working on The Next Generation, in a way that I’ve never really talked about working on The Next Generation before. If you enjoy it, and you’d like some additional context, you may want to listen to The Big Goodbye, from my book The Happiest Days of Our Lives: The Extended Edition Or Whatever I Decided To Call It.
I made a video with Brewing TV a couple months ago, where we made an IPA that was inspired by Pliny The Younger. The first part is online, now.

Huh. When I put it in a list like that, it doesn’t seem like that much stuff. In fact, it’s not as impressive as it felt when it all came into my inbox or whatever one at a time over the last couple of days. Maybe I should have split it up.

Anyway, I’m still working on the audiobook for Armada, and I’m about halfway through. It’s a really fun story, and I’m having a great time performing it. In the last two days, though, I’ve learned to have tremendous empathy for people who have a daily commute, and boy am I grateful that I don’t have a daily commute.

Some more Titansgrave art is revealed…

Posted on 14 May, 2015 By Wil

We needed to convey to our artists and other creative partners that Valkana is a world where science and magic co-exist, feeding and supporting one another. Part of getting that across was showing this spaceship in the background of our first conceptual art image:

You can also see some skyscrapers in the deep background, as well as some smaller, fantasy-style structures closer to our Desmage in the foreground. We ended up going with a slightly less British countryside look for most of our buildings, just because I felt like a Tudor look was a little too on-the-nose and too much of a common fantasy trope.

Those wires have something really neat associated with them, and we’ll show you that when the whole image is revealed.

That time I met Billie Piper

Posted on 14 May, 201514 May, 2015 By Wil

So exactly two years and one day ago, this happened:

That's my guy holding my gal! — That’s my guy holding my gal!

Then, this happened:

So while we were at Ottawa Comicon, and I was swooning over Billie Piper, I asked her if she’d like to be part of this tradition, and this happened:

Wil Wheaton Meets Billie Piper — She said I was “lovely”

She said I was lovely, and she hugged me, and I was so excited I felt like my insides were made of bees.

My son and I take KITT for a spin

Posted on 13 May, 2015 By Wil

“Have fun with your friends!” I kissed Anne goodbye.

“Have fun watching hockey!” Anne kissed me goodbye.

“See you when you get home,” I said. I watched her walk down the driveway, and headed back into the house. Marlowe and Seamus ran up to me as I got close to the kitchen.

“It’s just us tonight, dogs,” I said. What they heard was, “Chopper, how about a bunch of treats?”

Marlowe jumped over Seamus’ back as she ran — galloped, really — to the pantry where the dog treats live. Seamus looked at me, waiting to see if there was any reason to go to the pantry.

“Okay,” I said. His ears perked up and his tail began to wag. “Yes, you can have a treat,” I said. His tail sprang to life. Marlowe scrambled, Flintstones-style, on the floor in front of the pantry door, as she ran in tight, excited circles.

I pulled out the treats, had them sit, and gave them each little training rewards. I hope that someday I will be as excited about anything as my dogs are about a treat that’s not even the diameter of a dime.

I headed to the couch and turned on the hockey game. Montreal was trying to force a seventh game against Tampa Bay, and they trailed by two goals in the second period. My phone buzzed:

Nolan: Mom said you're home alone watching hockey.
Me: It's true.
Nolan: Want to hang out?
Me: Sure. Come over whenever. The first game is on now.
Nolan: When does the second game start?

I looked up the schedule, realized that I was wrong about there being two games, and replied.

Me: Tomorrow.
Nolan: What? Wait. I'm confused.
Me: Hi, confused. I'm Wil.
Nolan: ...
Me: There's no second game today. Come over whenever you want.
Nolan: Okay. See you soon.

I watched most of the rest of the hockey game. It wasn’t ever very close, and Tampa Bay won, eliminating the Habs (and the last Canadian team) from the playoffs. I felt bad for Canada, but as a life long Kings fan I’ll never get over 1993 (or Macho Grande), and there are so many players on this Canadiens team who I think are jerks, I was glad to see them go.

Nolan came into the house shortly after the game ended. The dogs ran laps around the house to welcome him.

We decided that we’d watch a movie or something together. As we searched through Netflix and the DVR, I said, “You know, I have the complete series of the original Knight Rider, from the 80s.”

“Knight Rider?” He said.

“Yeah,” I said. “It’s about –”

“A guy with a talking car.” He said. Not a question, but a continuation of my thought.

“That’s … uh …” I began.

But it’s more than that, I thought. It’s about … um … fighting crime! And that lady in the jumpsuit with the boots! And the old British guy, whatshisname! And KITT is, like, um … a talking car.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what it’s about,” I said, “but it’s awesome!”

“Awesome like when you showed me text games, or awesome like something that is actually awesome?”

“Someday, you’ll thank me for showing you,” I reminded him. “because of me, you’ll never be eaten by a Grue.”

Before he could remind me that it was unlikely that would have happened anyway, I continued. “This show is genuinely awesome. It has The Hoff, the talking car, and is so unapologetically 1980s, you’re going to love it — and I don’t mean ironically. I mean you’re going to legit love it.”

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s give it a try.”

I searched through all the episodes I had, and decided that I wanted to show him something from the first season. Sure, I could have jumped in right away with KARR and Michael Knights Evil Twin™, but I was afraid it would confuse him, not knowing the rich backstory of a man who does not exist. I settled on a first season episode called Sammy’s Super Stunt Spectacular, where Michael and KITT must save a car stunt show from an evil developer, after the show’s owner, Sammy, is wounded in an accident which was engineered by the evil developer’s minions. It featured all manner of profoundly lame car stunts that were actually charming in their execution, and a stunt driver with a Hasselhoff wig that really should get its own spinoff series, where the wig is voiced not by the St. Elsewhere guy, but Mister Belvedere*.

Over 49 minutes, we were treated to some truly entertaining early 80s prime time action television. By the time it was over, Nolan was officially on board.

“So I think we need to watch this entire series,” he said.

“I knew I raised you right,” I said. “How’s your weekend looking?”

“Let’s not get carried away,” he said. “Knight Rider is something to be savored.”

“That’s … uh … ” I began.

We looked at each other, as the credits rolled and the theme music played.

“That’s pretty much exactly what it is.”

*In the pilot episode, the wig, called WIGG (which stands for Walking Investigation Guy’s Gear) helps the star of the show, Ted Jacobs, played by a young Parker Stevenson, works for Devon after Michael Knight drives off into mystery. Ted Jacobs, a former astronaut in training who faked his own death, helps solve the mystery of the missing computer tapes and saves a daycare center from an evil developer. Nell Carter and Justin Bateman co-star.