Category: Current Affairs

blog

and …. breathe

Posted on By Wil

I just realized that I’ve been holding a tension in my shoulders and a tightness in my chest for the last four years. Every minute of every day, without realizing I was doing it. It’s only now, that it’s gone, that I realize how heavy it weighed on me.

Having an abuser as president was so hard for me, and millions of other people who are abuse survivors. Every day was a trigger for something. It was exhausting. It hurt. (I’m sure I don’t have to tell you. You were there.)

I feel this incredible sense of relief, like the worst storm I’ve ever experienced is finally gone, and the sun is peeking out from behind the clouds.

I’m going to go outside, and soak it up.

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we are so close. he is almost gone.

Posted on By Wil

I made this countdown four years ago, because I needed to have something to work toward, and to look forward to.

I don’t expect anyone to look back into my blog from four years ago, so I’ll just repaste the code here:

[tminus t=”20-01-2021 09:01:00″ style=”jedi”] Our national nightmare is finally over.[/tminus]

There is so much work to be done, but at least America won’t have a Fascist in the White House.

 

blog

just thinking

Posted on By Wil

I’m thinking about kids who are doing online learning, when they want to be at school with their peers. I’m thinking about their parents who are suddenly thrust into an educator role they may not want or feel prepared for. I’m thinking about good, honest, hardworking people who are in danger of losing their homes through no fault of their own, desperate for some protection from predatory lenders and landlords. I’m thinking about the people who are getting up and going to work every day, for corporations who don’t care if they live or die, so the rest of us can have food and other essentials. I’m thinking of the people who did everything right, and still got sick because a selfish person refused to take this pandemic seriously. I’m thinking of the nearly 200,000 people who have died and the loved ones who are mourning their loss. I’m thinking of the BIPoC who are living through the dual traumas of being BIPoC in America in 2020, and living through a pandemic that affects people who look like them more harshly than it affects people who look like me. I’m thinking about teachers and educators who don’t want to be in classrooms because of the pandemic, but who also want to be there for their kids. It’s going to be unimaginably difficult to keep kids safe (think of how hard it is to get us to sit still) and give them the best quality education these teachers can provide.

I’m thinking about all these things, and how overwhelming all of this is, for all of us. If it’s tough for me, I can’t comprehend how tough it is for someone without my privilege.

I know that my experience is substantially easier and less disruptive to my life than it is to almost everyone else, and maybe that allows me the space to be the person I need in the world right now. So I’m sharing the reminder and the advice I gave myself, earlier today, when I needed it.

  • Remember to look for the Helpers.
  • Remember to BE a Helper.
  • Remember that this is not forever.
  • Remember that, as terrible as everything is right now, we’ve been here before and come back from it. We owe it to ourselves and to our children to be as resilient and committed as our ancestors were in their day.
  • Remember that we are living through a major trauma unlike anything most of us have ever experienced in our lives. We haven’t done this before, so we are figuring it all out in real time. It’s hard and it’s scary, and we need to be as gentle with ourselves as we are with our kids and loved ones.

This stuff is helping me today. Maybe if you need it, it’ll be helpful to you, too.

Also, real quick before I hit publish: Teachers, I see you. I’m grateful for you and I love you.

Current Affairs

“Host” is a fantastic horror movie.

Posted on By Wil

A few days ago, my friend, Bonnie, recommended a movie to me that she’d seen on Shudder.

It’s called Host:

Six friends get together during lockdown for their weekly zoom call. It’s Haley’s turn to organise an activity and instead of a quiz, she’s arranged for a Medium to conduct a séance. Bored and feeling mischievous, [I removed something here that’s kind of a spoiler. It’s better to discover this in the narrative]. The friends begin noticing strange occurrences in their homes as the evil presence begins to make itself known, and they soon realise that they might not survive the night. A SHUDDER ORIGINAL.

I haven’t been legit scared by a horror movie in YEARS, but Host really nailed it. It’s creepy, unsettling, genuinely scary, and BRILLIANT. I watched it alone in my gameroom after Anne had gone to sleep, and by the end, I was looking at every shadow in the room.

This is the first thing I’ve seen that was made post-Coronavirus, the first thing that is set in the fucked up world we’re trapped in right now. The filmmakers just fucking NAILED it. It’s so good, I’m not afraid of overselling it.

It’s only 56 minutes long, and every minute is just perfect. I love this movie, and I can’t recommend it enough.

blog

I am having the hardest time staying positive

Posted on By Wil

I spent almost the entire day, yesterday, working really hard on something really awesome that I can’t talk about.

It felt so good to be working, to be creating something I know will eventually entertain people when it’s released. It was several days of prep and several hours of work, and I am grateful for every minute of it, because during the time I was working, I was focused on creating and entertaining. For a few hours, I didn’t have the overwhelming sense of doom and hopelessness that’s been knocking on my door for weeks. I’m grateful for that.

And yet, here I am, not even 24 hours later, right back in fear and worry.

For almost five months now, there’s been little to separate one day from another. Every day is a struggle to stay positive, and remember that there’s a small circle around Things I Can Affect, and a huge circle around Things I Can Do Absolutely Nothing About. I can usually accept that, but this week, Things I Can Do Absolutely Nothing About has just been too much to handle, and I feel like I’m going to cry, all the time.

I’m emotionally exhausted, and I’m struggling every single day with depression, feeling overwhelmed, low-key anxiety and the persistent background buzz of fear.

I know this doesn’t make me special, and I know that things could be so much worse (and I know that they are for so many people. I’m grateful I’m not one of them).

But I’m a person, and I bleed just like anyone else does, and I am just having the hardest time staying positive. I’m scared, I’m confused, I’m sad, I’m overwhelmed, and I’m doing everything I can to not slide into depression and despair, but today, I am REALLY feeling it.