My Fast and Furious Fan Fiction

Posted on By Wil

Hank Green posted a Fast and Furious thing on his Tumblr, and wondered where the novelization tie-ins were … so, being easily amused, I answered the call:

The Fastest and the Furioustest

I know, right? Don’t be discouraged, though; with enough practice, you too can capture the essence of these magnificent films for yourself, just as I have.

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Comments (19)

  1. This is deserving of at least a dozen sequels. Can you also do a cross-over with The Transporter involving the kidnapping of the daughter/ niece of a foreign ambassador?

    1. Isn’t that already the plot for F&F7? It was kind of hard to remember I spent 90% of the running time of 6 either laughing in derision or holding my head in my hands trying desperately to suppress expletive filled gasps of disbelief. Thank the maker I was using my Cineworld pass. If I’d actually had to pay to watch that movie I…well I wouldn’t have went to see that movie.

  3. I’m pretty sure you gave your characters too much depth.
    Otherwise, not bad for your first F&F fanfic.
    Also you blow (when you should have “blew”).

  4. I think you’re missing the whole point.

    New Fast and Furiouser Sixty

    Toretto threw the car into gear and crashed through five other cars while six other cars crashed into those. Then a plane landed and smashed ten other cars before three exploded for no reason. Then fists flew and for about two minutes time slowed to a crawl so that hot women with tissues for clothes gyrated to the hottest electronic song money could buy.

    “Wasn’t trying,” said Toretto.

    THE END

  5. Your fan fiction is as good as if not better than any of those movies. Is it sad or a cop-out that I feel that way but was just fine with all the blatant rip-offs of Wrath of Khan found in the latest Star Trek movie?

  8. Really, if you ever get the urge to actually watch any “Fast and Furious” movie just turn on the movie “Drive” instead. It’s on Netflix and you won’t regret it. You get driving in cars, Ryan Gosling, a bad-ass soundtrack, a little bit of violence and some good story. I don’t think there’s any explosions though. Sorry.
    Watch Drive anyway.

  9. Whilst I’m not trying to come across as mean, you know that Bill Hicks sketch where he’s talking about how Waffle House menu’s all have pictures on them? Yeah, they’re the people the Fast and Furious is aimed at. I think maybe a Fast and Furious pamphlet or join the dots book would be more appropriate.

  10. I was going to go see Fast/Furious 6, but I haven’t seen 1-5 so I thought it might be too confusing, but your FF really clears things up. Thanks! You’ve given me the strength I need to find out how fast and why so furious.

  12. This deserves a Haiku



    a man named wheaton
    furiously, fastly
    wrote wordsy-words-words

  15. Oh, I thought it was “don’t be a dick”, it it really “don’t be a dick to me, but I can be one when I want”? Because no one actually worked on those movies or put any creative effort into them. It’s okay to be a dick to things that are popular because those people don’t have feelings, right?

  16. I admit with no shame that I want to see the new Fast and Furious movie. I know it will be exactly the same as what you’ve written, and I know it’ll be dumb as bricks, but I’m a sucker for a stupid action movie.

    Please note that “Stupid Action Movie” is not a movie that is bad, but rather a movie with a dumb premise and good action. You know, like Crank 2. Or GI Joe. You know they’ll be horrible, but that’s half the reason you watch them.

    The other half is Michael Bay explosions.

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