“My point is, there was a time when I thought I would never get out of Wesley Crusher’s shadow, but now that’s just a small part of a pretty great life, and it’s a part that I’m glad is there.”
The interstate highways in Texas go on forever, it seems, between major cities. For hundreds of miles, there’s not much to see but other cars, the occasional water tower, a few cows, and a ribbon of concrete that cuts across the vast, flat landscape.
A few months ago, I was in a van with Paul and Storm and Anne as we drove between Houston and Dallas down one of those endless highways. Anne was asleep in the chair next to me, as Paul drove and Storm navigated. I played Carcassonne on my iPad as we left Houston behind us and never seemed to get any closer to Dallas.
As I was losing yet another game (it turns out that it’s much easier to win in a three player game than it is in a four player game, regardless of your opponents’ skill level, due to the additional randomness inherent in the draw) my cellphone played the original Star Trek communicator sound in my pocket. I pulled it out and read a text message from my friend Steve Molaro, who is the show runner on The Big Bang Theory. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?” He asked.
“I have all the time in the world,” I replied, “because I’m in a van on a highway in Texas and I think I’m going to be on this road for another decade before we get to Dallas.”
“I’ll call you in a little while,” he replied. I went back to losing my game.
A little while later, the Doctor Who theme came out of my pocket.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Steve.”
“Hey! How are you?”
“Really good. Listen, we’re writing a scene for you and I wanted your input on it.”
I was taken aback. It’s such an honor and a privilege to work on The Big Bang Theory at all, but to be asked to provide some input into how my scenes are written, especially when the writers there are so goddamned good at what they do, was pretty amazing.
“Sure,” I said. “I am at your service.”
Steve told me about the story arc they were doing with Sheldon accidentally discovering a new element, and how Sheldon was unhappy about it. “We thought it would be nice for Amy to bring you in, to try and cheer him up,” he said, “so I wondered if there was ever anything in your life that you regretted or felt bad about at the time, but you came to accept as a good part of your life.”
Oh, you mean my entire teenage years and my early twenties? I thought.
“Yeah,” I said. “When I was younger, people gave me such a hard time about Wesley Crusher, there was a time in my late teens and early twenties when I resented Star Trek. It felt so unfair that people who had never met me were so cruel and hateful toward me as a person because they didn’t like a character I played on a TV show, I wanted to put Star Trek behind me and forget that it was ever part of my life.
“But as I got older and started to meet more people who were also kids when Next Generation was in its first run, I started to hear these stories from people, about how they had nothing in common with their parents except for Star Trek, and they wouldn’t have watched Star Trek together if Wesley hadn’t been on the show. I’ve lost count of the number of people I’ve met who are now doctors and engineers and scientists because they were inspired by Wesley and Geordi the way our parents’ generation was inspired by Scotty.”
“That’s wonderful,” Steve said.
“Yeah, it’s really great. You know, my favorite episode of Next Generation is Tapestry, because I fully believe that our lives are a complex tapestry, woven from all our experiences — positive and negative — we have in our lives. There was a time when I really resented Wesley Crusher, but I just love my life now, and instead of feeling like I had to get out of his shadow, I feel like I’m standing proudly on his shoulders.”
“This is exactly what I was hoping for,” he said. “This is going to be such a great scene.”
“If there’s anything I can do, just pick up the phone,” I said.
“I’ll get in touch when we have the scene finished, and I’ll see you in a couple weeks!”
“Awesome. Thanks, man.” I hung up my phone, and looked out at the endless Texas landscape, unchanged in any meaningful way during the phone call.
“Who was that?” Anne asked, waking up from her nap.
“Molaro. He had questions for me for the Big Bang I’m doing when we get home.”
“Can you tell me about it?”
“No, not yet,” I said.
“You’re no fun,” she said.
“I know. I’m the worst.”
I went back to losing my game, Anne looked at her phone, and the van pushed ever onward toward Dallas.
‡‡‡
A few weeks later, I got the script for the episode. As always, it arrived late in the evening, the day before the table read. I signed for it, thanked the courier, and ran into my office.
I sat on my couch, tore open the manilla envelope, and began to read. When I got to the scene with Sheldon, Amy, and Wil Wheaton, I read it as an actor: I kept my emotions neutral, and let the characters talk to me. Then, I read it as a fan of the show: I heard the individual voices, and I laughed at the jokes. Then, I read it one final time, as The Guy Who Played Wesley Crusher: I realized that I was going to be on one of the most popular shows in the English-speaking world, saying to anyone who cared to listen, “I’m an author now. I do public speaking, and I have my own web series about boardgames … there was a time when I thought I would never get out of Wesley Crusher’s shadow, but now that’s just a small part of a pretty great life, and it’s a part that I’m glad is there.”
That’s when the tears sprung into my eyes, and the weird mix of joy and something else that wasn’t quite sadness, but had its roots there bloomed in my chest.
I read the rest of the script, and, like I always do, felt like a kid the night before Christmas or his birthday, impatiently waiting for the morning to come.
When I went to the table read the next morning, I was greeted warmly and welcomed by everyone there. When we got to the scene with Sheldon, Amy, and Wil Wheaton, Mayim said Amy’s line, “We’re, uh, trying to cheer him up, so …” and the room exploded into laughter, myself included. Mayim was sitting across from me, and she looked up from her script and said to me, “I’m so sorry. I want you to know that I do not share Amy’s opinion here.” The entire room laughed, again. “I know, it’s okay,” I said. We read the rest of the script, and took a break before we began rehearsal. I found Steve and Bill Prady and some of the other producers, and walked over to them.
“Great job,” Steve said to me.
“I’m not gonna lie,” I said, “I got a little weepy when I read it.” I paused for a second. “Thank you for this.”
“No, thank you for being here.” He said.
“Can I pitch you a joke?” I said.
“Sure.”
“Would it be too meta if Wil Wheaton says something about how he gets to guest star on a popular series, but Sheldon doesn’t know what that show is?”
“We thought about something like that,” he said, “but we worried that it may confuse the audience and take them out of the moment. That’s why there’s no reference to you being on Eureka or Leverage or anything like that. We thought it would be simpler and cleaner if our Wil Wheaton doesn’t have the same television acting career that you have.”
“That makes sense,” I said. “And, once again, can I just observe how weird and hilarious it is that there’s your Wil Wheaton, and Wil Wheaton Prime, and they look the same but are very different and I’m both of them?”
We all laughed, and they went back to the writer’s building to do their thing, while I went to the set to do mine.
Over the week of rehearsals, the words never changed in that scene, but my performance did. It was Chuck Lorre who pointed out to me that the sentiment may be very emotional to me, it’s more matter-of-fact to Wil Wheaton the character. When he gave me that perspective, the performance settled into what you saw in the episode.
Like Wil Wheaton said to Sheldon, there was a time when I felt like I’d never get out of Wesley’s shadow, but now I truly am grateful that Wesley Crusher and Star Trek are a part of my life.
Their Wil Wheaton couldn’t say it, but my Wil Wheaton can: Big Bang Theory is a very important part of my personal and professional life, and is one of the reasons I can stand on the shoulders of Star Trek in a way that I thought — well, feared is more accurate — I never would, and I’m incredibly grateful that it’s there. I’m grateful for the friendships I’ve made among the cast, crew, and writers, and I’m grateful for the opportunities it’s given me to work in comedy. Every time I’m there, I learn a little bit more about comedic acting, acting in front of an audience, and acting in a sitcom.
I don’t know what the future of my career holds, but I know that whatever is over the horizon, the road I’ve traveled to get here is like those Interstates in Texas: everything can look the same, and it can feel like you’re not going anywhere, until you suddenly get where you’re going and realize that you’ve been traveling for a long time.
Because you’re so candid about this online, and your depression, and the grieving you still have for those no longer with us, I was honestly moved by this scene and wished I could have asked you to talk about it. Thanks for reading my mind.
My grammar is atrocious! Don’t judge me!
And it was a great episode!
I love it. I think we all have things in our past that we regret at some point but later on realize those exact things make us who we are now. Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Your scene in that episode made me laugh and almost made me teary. When you said those words, I thought of YOU, not TBBT’s Wil Wheaton. And I laughed with a watery eyes. 🙂
I think it’s amazing that you share so much with us and it really gives your performances a bit more depth for me. And I like it. 🙂
Damn you, ninjas! *sniff*
Beautifully written kind sir! You appearances on BBT are some of my favs. I wish you and your family all the Happiness a New Year can bring
I hadn’t realized that there are 2 Wheatons but it does make sense. Very cool.
…and I loved it when I watched it…since finding the blog (and various other stuff), I feel like I’ve gotten to know you better…that scene made me tear up then, and this post made me tear up now…Thanks, Wil, for allowing us in…
Excellent post. I agree, wholeheartedly, that was one of the best TBBT-Wheaton moments of your appearances. Both Sheldon and Wil had the opportunity to be the most open that they have shown in the episodes.
Very interesting read; thank you for sharing. I didn’t like the character of Wesley Crusher. Sorry, that’s too strong a word. I should rather say that I was more or less oblivious of him (the character, not the actor). Except in that episode where Wesley throws out Starfleet and becomes his own thing (great performance from the actor on that one, one of my favourite episodes: don’t ask me to name the title, it was long ago; we’re both getting old…). Later on, seeing you act in other things helped to really seperate more Wesley Crusher from Wil Wheaton. It’s always nice to see you showing more of your acting abilities. Thanks and best to you!
Yet another heart warming and touching piece. Thanks for this, Wil.
Shoot, I missed it!! Argh.
Anyway, it sounds like it was wonderful, and this entry was fantastic. It reminds me a lot of how I feel about my dyslexia, actually.
It’s something that formed me as a person, and caused no end of grief well into adulthood. However, over the past five years or so, I’ve learned to accept it as being part of who I am as a person and what I am as a human in the neurological minority.
It may be a disability in some contexts, but the experiences it’s given me, and how dealing with those experiences have shaped my personality, gives me an advantage.
Thank you. Just … thank you.
Great post, Wil… I’m so happy you’ve reached a point in your life where you can appreciate what you did when you were younger, and also what you have now. You’ve really been on a remarkable journey. Thanks for bringing us along.
That is great. I was thinking about all the times you shared something here and on twitter about your journey when I saw the episode. And I was wondering what went through your head when you read it. It felt like something I’d read on ww.net and now I actually do! Very meta. 🙂 Thanks for sharing.
Brilliant, thoughtful post, Wil. Thanks so much for writing about this.
Captain on the bridge!
Wil! I really loved that scene and was very touched by it because I have been with you through your entire journey and knew how much you struggled with and went through… I thought it was a very well deserved moment of triumph! Proud of you and proud to be your fan <3
While I love the new, sensitive, “friend of Sheldon” Wil…I kinda miss the evil, vindictive, “mortal enemy of Sheldon” Wil too. He was rather reminiscent of your character on The Guild. I love when you channel your dark side. *virtual hugs* Oh, and I loved Wesley. Just sayin’.
Emilie: The episode is available to stream at http://www.cbs.com/shows/big_bang_theory/video/1933E590-B255-5B32-E778-BF122477716C/the-big-bang-theory-the-discovery-dissipation/
Great article, Wil; thanks for your insights!
I’m Judging kathy w pooflinger (@wpooflinger) right now. I’m a monster.
I just cried when I watched that scene. Because while I love the Wil character, I felt like in that little moment, the line about the pretty great life, it wasn’t the character talking to Sheldon, but you talking to every single human who has ever been there, regretted a decision, wondered what the hell happens next. It was you talking to me, telling me that all this crap I’m going through right now is just stepping stones to something greater.
Now, damn it, quit making me cry.
I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!!
I always tell my friends about how Tapestry is by far my favorite Star Trek TNG episode as it’s so relatable to me. I could be filled with regret too, but am in a good place now and not sure if I would be there if it weren’t for some of the hardships in my life and the mistakes I’ve made. I also really liked Wesley Crusher as a character as I watched when I was a teenager, so I’m glad you can take something positive away from the experience now. While I haven’t become a scientist or engineer, Star Trek TNG did have a monumental impact on how I viewed the world and you played a part in that. You seem like a cool guy and I hope you continue to have great success in your career.
I absolutely loved that scene, and you could tell that it was coming from/meant by both TBBT!Wil and Real!Wil.
Drive from Houston up to Dallas isn’t too bad. There’s a few more hills and rolling landscape on that part of the Gulf Coast Plains. Driving across the Llano Estacado though, from Abilene out to Lubbock or Amarillo… yipes that can get monotonous. Flatter than the flattest flat that ever did flat.
awesome sauce. I just watched the show on demand last night. This backstory made me tear up. Thanks!
Loved that scene! And while the meta-joke was funny, I think they made the right decision. If Evil (now Nice) Wil Wheaton morphs too far into Wheaton Prime, it wouldn’t make as much sense. If for no other reason, Sheldon would have already known everything you said in that episode because I’m sure he would read your blog! Just like I’m sure all 4 guys would be regular watchers of Tabletop and The Guild.
The words. You are very good with them. 🙂
Thanks Wil, It’s always a pleasure to see things from behind the scenes and from your point of view.
I can remember seeing some of your older interviews not long after you left ST:TNG and how much you wanted to move on with your life. Seeing how your attitude has changed over the year to the role model you have become is just great. Keep it up!!!
I loved that episode, and your scene in it. I suspected that you had some input into the scene, because it came across so sincerely. Thanks for writing this blog post about it. I really enjoy your insights into playing various roles, including the one that is so close to the real-world you.
It’s funny – I could not stand the Wesley Crusher character; but that was it. Had I ever met you ‘back then’, I always wanted to ask (in private, where Paramount would never find out your answer) “Are you happy with the character? Would you change anything with him?”
Because I loved you in “Stand By Me” (I can still watch it and say “Jeez, Wil Wheaton can act!”) and thought that the CHARACTER of Wesley Crusher did not fit “you” as an actor, you just had to work with what was given you (for example: it was not so much the character/dialog, but the “Wesley Crusher saves the ship again!” that the writers always seemed to gravitate to that was the most annoying thing about the character).
But that was not YOU – it was a character; there were some amazing episodes with Wesley Crusher, too that way too many of us Trek fans seem to ‘forget’ – once the writers got a better grip on who the character, that is.
The one thing I’m very-very happy about is, I sit here at the old age of 45 and look at the man that is Wil Wheaton (Prime) 😉 and say “I’m glad I’ve got the chance to “know” the man he’s become – Because if I was as stupid as some, and actually ‘hated’ the actor for the part he played, I would have missed out on so much amazing entertainment and honest to God heartfelt moments!”
I started to watch The Big Bang Theory because of YOU; I own a comic book shop, and at the time the show first came on, I had zero desire to watch parodies of my customers on prime-time TV… I was excited when you were on Leverage, and I look forward to each new game you play on TableTop.
So, from this “fan” – I’d like to say THANK YOU… Thank you for everything you work on, and for sharing those parts of your life (both funny and serious) – because you are far more than a character you play to many of us…
Now, get “Firefly The Game” and play it on TableTop with Nathan Fillion! I want to see THAT! 🙂
Happy Holidays to you and your family Wil!
Hello Wil, I truly enjoyed this episode of BBT, especially because of the scene with you and Sheldon. I can totally relate to feeling resentful towards events in my younger life, but now feeling that without those events, I would not be the person I am today.
So thanks. I thought the scene was the perfect combination of sweet and funny. Keep up the good work.
Somewhat ironically, Wesley Crusher was the only role my husband has enjoyed you in – in his words,
“He was alright as that Wesley kid on Star Trek – a little geeky, but that’s Star Trek – and then he was a punk-a$$ b1tsh on Eureka and Leverage and this show” (as he indicates the re-run of TBBT playing in the background.
Just sayin’, native Houstonian here, that drive is not particularly long by Texas standards. It’s weird to live in other parts of the country where four hours will get you through a couple of states rather than to the next big city!
That said, the episode was excellent and made me very happy. FWIW I enjoyed watching you on the Enterprise.
Dammit, sir, you write *good*. That last paragraph… whew! Thank you.
Ok, so here’s the deal: I really want to know when the next book compilation of your writings is coming. That’s all I want to know. Then, I just want you to shut up and take my money. I will throw it at you in whatever fashion you would like. Thanks for doing the things you do.
I got post happy — I wanted to follow up el hubby’s remarks with:
But I think you’re a decent actor, and a decent person, and it looks like it is a lot of fun to work with you. I’m glad you got some perspective on Wil Wheaton – The Early Years and are able to let it be a part of you without letting it run the show.
Posts like this, where you are so eloquent, and so open, are why I love your blog. I enjoyed the insights into both yourself and Wil Wheaton-the-character.
I’m so happy you are in such a great place with respect to your Star Trek history.
And if I might make a suggestion, I think BBT Wil could have said something like, “And I’ve recently had roles on some of my favorite TV shows.” To which Sheldon responds, “I’ve seen those! And if I might make a suggestion…”
I love what you wrote. The episode was good but I wanted you on it for longer! THank you for expanding on it and I really love the fact that you see the changes that have been occuring through your life. (love, love, love how you described your feelings -the emotion that wasn’t quite sorrow- so perfect and apt and evocative.
Check out Richard Kadrey’s Damn TUmblr as he quoted you today about creating and criticism.
You two are the only people I kick on a regular basis so I was highly amused when I read the quote and then saw it was you!
have no idea how what should have been I FOLLOW on a regular basis on Tumbler turned into I kick. I wish I could blame autocorrect but I can’t. I will blame working way too many hours this week and being really tired right now. So sorry Will! B>
This is a great post. Life is a highway. The trips to the big city and the pit stops alike are all important parts to our destination. Whether it’s the destination you planned on, or something completely different, if you’re happy, be grateful for your time behind the wheel…or under them. You wouldn’t be where you are without the journey.
(Sorry for such a corny version of your analogy)
Bravo.
Thanks for sharing. It’s kewl to get your perspective on this. It brings home that the BBT folks really care about the people they are writing about (meaning nerds, geeks, et al. ) I’m really seeing a true understanding of us shine through this year, especially in the way they’re writing Sheldon.
The scene was genius…and from reading your blogs and tweets I knew that the scene was from Wil Wheaton the person, not Wil Wheaton, actor on a show. And I will be honest with you, when I read this I teared up a little. I was that kid who watched Star Trek:TNG with my parents. It is still one of the things that we have in common, that and Big Bang Theory….so I thank you for the part you played in my teenage and young adult relationship with my parents. And I also had a really big crush on Wesley Crusher….lol
-cries-
That was beautiful. Tapestry is one of my favorites as well. I think of it now and then when I ponder regrets. I’ve even discussed it with my students.
Q: you’re dead. I’m God
Picard: -laughing- you are not God”
Q: -line I don’t remember I think he said blasphemy-
Picard: “I refuse to believe the universe is that poorly organized” (I think that’s the line)
When we saw that scene my husband and I paused the show and talked about how we recognized that moment as something you have talked about in other places and how that must have been a very real and beautiful moment for you.
Wil my good man… You are a legend, please continue to be legendary.
Here in blighty we got the episode about Sheldon (accidently) discovering the element last week, so I hope this week we’ll get your episode, can’t wait to see it!
First off, Wil you have a great gift as a writer to bring the reader directly into your moment. That may not make much sense ,but at least I know what I mean. Next, the lesson I take away from this is that we can use our regrets and problems from the past to help shape and mold ourselves into the person we want to be now and love being that person.