I’ve been reading all the comments so many of you left on my last post, and I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your kindness. It really does mean a lot to me, and it really does make a big difference, to know that I’m not the only creative person who is struggling right now, and has been struggling this entire year. It means so much to me that so many of you who are reading this took a moment to let me know that you’re there, and that you care about what I make.
The Internet in 2017 (at least in my personal experience, which is absolutely affected by my depression) is so flooded by casual cruelty, it is overwhelming and suffocating and exhausting. Thank you for showing and reminding me that good and kind people are in this world. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to reach out to me. You didn’t have to do that, and I’m very grateful that you did.
I went to my brain doctor a few days ago, and talked with him about how much I’ve been struggling. I told him how bad I’ve been feeling, and how hard it’s been for me to do any of the creative things that I’ve always loved to do. He told me that a lot of his patients are having the most challenging year they’ve had in a long time, so it’s not just me. We talked about some different things we could do, and decided to change up my meds a little bit. The adjustment has been tough for the last few days, but I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and … well, not joyful or even happy, but at least I didn’t feel bad. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an improvement, but it really is. It’s going to take another ten to fourteen days for my brain to fully adjust, but I’m hopeful and optimistic that this is going to help me get back to feeling like a person, instead of a bag of failure and sadness.
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Thank you for sharing your heart and mind. Hopefully it helps you as much as it helps some of your readers. As you said, you aren’t alone in the struggle and you remind us that we aren’t alone either
Read your last post whilst wearing a Supernatural “Always keep fighting” tshirt and felt compelled to comment. I came to your blog because of Star Trek but stayed for the posts about tech, the Internet, gaming, dogs and especially mental health. Know that for every positive comment and like, there’s hundreds of others going “yes” but we’re too shy and self conscious to do more. So we understand when you can’t do it and are very grateful for what you have done. We know it will come back. Always keep fighting.
I have come to the below conclusion on my own after many years of severe depression and anxiety, but this is so well written and positive, I wanted to share it with the Wil-iverse:
http://www.thebookoflife.org/the-importance-of-having-a-breakdown/
Keep up the good fight
Thank you for sharing. I hope you feel better soon! We’re all hoping 2018 will bring better things. While I do not suffer from depression, I have many friends who do. I understand the struggle is real even though I’ve never experienced. I have been a fan of yours since you were very young. I find you inspiring and fun. Keep your chin up and know your fans really do care about you!
Thank you for your authenticity, including your discussion of mental health issues and medication. I have struggled with my own issues, and knowing that I am not the only one really does help. i really get what you mean about the casual cruelty–I teach middle school and the bullying, even of teachers, is brutal. I cannot imagine being 13 and facing that cruelty without the benefit of having overcome bullying in previous experiences.
Here’s a (non creepy, you know manly with lots of back slapping) hug from one fellow human to another. Words can’t always help, but I hope this does (even a little). Later and thanks for the times you made me laugh and think.
I’m going through the same thing this year. Meds that in the past have worked stopped working and I’m twerking them the past few months. Lost a job and trying to find a new one probably hasn’t helped. But I try and remember the good things – MST3K came back, new Star Wars, etc. 🙂 And i just listened to you interview about Stand By Me on The Loser’s Club Stephen King podcast – really cool! So virtual hugs from me to you.
I’m glad to hear that you’re taking care of you. I enjoy reading words and am entertained or informed by them.
Wil: what med have you been switched to? I’m always looking for something new since all of my meds have plateaued. As Peter Kramer mentioned in “Listening to Prozac,” they set a “floor,” but don’t do much else.
Thanks in advance for any answer you might supply and, as always, your frank discussion on the subject. Cheers, and happy holidays to you and your family!
Wil, as an old man that has suffered GAD and depression since a child, I know the challenges of daily life when the brain has a mind of its own. How you manage this as a creative person, I do not know. My career was spent in a technical field and the military, where the structure and system helped me to cope (by making a lot of decisions for me). At the same time those areas were feeding into my anxiety–a horrible blend. That said, I can say that as I have entered into the life of a gray, old man, anxiety does not wield the battle sword it once did. Instead of facing claymores, I only deal with daggers. Depression? Still like a pit bull that periodically attaches itself to my calf and won’t let go. But I no longer fight back and struggle as much. Perhaps I have simply given in to the fact that I can’t beat brain chemistry and have found a way to work around it. Actually was able to stop medications for a few years by totally leaving my former profession. But, eventually I found that a low dose now keeps my anxiety at a steady volume of 1 or 2 out of 10, rather than having to endure the sudden peaks that were disabling.
My greatest hope is that your brain chemistry also accounts for your creativity. And that the positive outcomes will be greater than the negative. For me, my worldview has gradually shifted over the years, helping me to better understand myself and find some gems buried in my cranium full of black tar. My conversion to Christianity radically transformed my understanding of the cosmos and helped to wipe the fog off of the mirror.
Best wishes to you. I enjoyed your character in Star Trek, by the way!
My wife and I just started watching Valcanna. We’re totally hooked. Which is so cool for me, as after years of thinking she wouldn’t be into role-playing games (and years of not playing any, not because of her, but because I didn’t think my friends would be interested), we started playing with friends and she’s hooked to all things rpg.
We sat watching all night while wrapping presents and laughing/having fun.
You’re awesome, and the things you do matter. More importantly, even when you’re not actively creating, it’s cool to know you’re out there, and that the things you’ve made are out there to discover.
(You definitely won’t remember this, but we meet you years ago at emerald city CC. I gave you a picture of you as the joker with the guys from the Big bang as Batman and robin. Yeah. I’m one of those guys that gives silly stuff to his favorite people at cons, forcing them to haul it back home with them or ditch it to avoid airline fees.)
I don’t visit your site often enough and certain people have definitely beat me to it but:
First, Wil Wheaton, you are awesome and I am so thankful for everything you have produced. Thank you for helping me love board games. Thank you even more for being honest about your depression, Lord knows it helps me feel less alone when my own rears its ugly head. Secondly, when you have bad days, we’re all here waiting for you. Whatever you’ve got to share we, the people who believe in you will listen, and, I for one, am ok with whatever that is. The biggest change for me in my depression was having people love me right where I was at, however I felt, whatever I was thinking, and I think that’s what a lot of people mean when they take the time to write and show you their support; that’s what I mean anyway.
I’m glad the world has Wil Wheaton in it. As off or out of place you may feel some days I personally have been blessed by your presence.
Peace to you and yours this Christmas!
I’m just a poor Apache living in El Paso, but if there is anything I could do. I will do it. Be strong. My the Great Spirit watch over you and yours.
I hope the meds help. You have all my sympathy. I have the same issues with depression. The meds have helped me greatly. (It took a number of tries to get it right. Some did nothing. Some too much. Some did weird things.) Make sure you have someone keep an eye on you when adjusting to new meds in case you need help.
People do appreciate all you do. Make sure youu keep doing them.
Hi Wil,
I’ve not checked in here for ages, but did today just because the Horror channel has started to show TNG again and it reminded me. Sorry to hear that you’ve been under the weather, as many others have said, this will pass, you are clearly loved by your wife, family, friends and fans, and, while I don’t know you well enough to make such a claim, you do seem like an utterly decent and nice guy. Stay strong, but don’t beat yourself up in moments of weakness.
I don’t really comment or do social media things but i felt compelled to setup an account to comment on here. I want to thank you. Thank you for being open and honest about what you’re going though. I am going though similar things that have given me extreme anxiety and panic attacks as a result. Reading this i just feel like I am not alone, my struggles are real.Most time I read things like this if is not from a prospective as this. Even someone as awesome and amazing as you have things that can profoundly effect them. I still have hope. Maybe one day I can get just a little better, then a little better another day after that. Just knowing there are other guys out there going through the same things as me may just ease me a little, i hope it does the same for you as well. In your youtube blog you had it right regarding focusing your attention on the culture of gaming and the unity and fellowship if can bring. I can agree with that as well.
I’m really glad that you are vocal about this. I had been helping me get through my own struggles lately.
A friend suggested I listen to your reading of Ready Player One when it came up in convo and I said I hadn’t read it yet. I was strongly encouraged to read it…. then my friend said no, don’t just read it. If you want to feel it listen to someone who loves it read it to you. I am so glad I did – thank you for taking me on a journey into an amazing world. Thank you for injecting into the narrative your own joy and experiences – you made it come alive as only an artist could. Keep on being amazing – it’s easy, just keep being your true self.
Just to say I enjoy your blog and your appearances on Big Bang. You have had such a varied career, you inspire.
Definitely not just you! I started writing to have an outlet for my frustrations and sadness from the last 12-18 months without torturing my very patient friends and spouse. Many hugs to you.