Every day, I open up this editor.
Every day, I sit here at my desk, and stare at the empty space.
Every day I struggle to find something to put into the empty space.
And every day, after hours of frustration and false starts that lead nowhere, I close it.
I hate this. I hate this so much. I used to get stuff done every day, even if it was only a few hundred words, but this whole fucking year I keep feeling like none of this matters and none of this is worth the effort and nobody cares and there’s just no reason to do any of it.
I really really really hate this.
Its a difficult feat to go through it, for the ones of us who are lucky enough to have a partner its even worse to have to explain depression without coming off as weak or lazy or self deprecating. Ive learned that no matter the amount of successes ive earned in life, it is the fact that i either lack meaning in my life or that i am holding onto something painful from my past that i continue to fall back into depressions grasp. Youre lucky to have people behind you, although unless those people truely understand you its possible its just like trying to please an audience. I can definitely say that, take comfort in your own ability to shock yourself and you will always be able to at least get through the rough patches.
Hey. I wanna say I love you. I don’t know you but I deeply admire and respect your wit, intelligence and excellent taste in games. You’re a wonderful human and you’re inspiring many with your courage and honesty. We’re all behind you.
What can I say that hasn’t already been said by many other people? I don’t think I can say anything new, so I’m just going to say this..
I just want to knit or crochet you an afghan. I want to spend hours creating something for you with the only creative outlet that I have confidence in. I want to make something that you and your animals will fight over. I would like to do something.
You aren’t alone. 2017 and the evils unleashed this year are dragging me down too. I’m sending you love and light. You are part of the GOOD in our world.
Although I am a little late: Depression lies. Keep being Awesome Wil!
It’s been a difficult year, Will. This too will pass. Don’t give up. Things will improve.
YOU ARE WONDERFUL!!! Don’t ever stop. Keep going. You are loved by so many.
Thank you for sharing this. It’s been a tough day, week, year in that same way. You’ve helped me, and I suspect a multitude of others, feel a lot less alone and helped us keep grinding for another day.
Thank you for sharing this.
Honestly, each if the last five years has been the worst year of my life. And since Chump, it feels like everything is falling apart at an ever accelerating rate (while, curiously, making it feel like the time takes forever to pass). I don’t know how I’m going to survive 2018 unless something changes Soon.
Good people have to stick together and soldier on. It’s the only way we’re going to make it. And as Stephen Pressfield said in his blog this morning (which references yours), “There is Joy on the other side”.
I hope he’s right.
Aren’t you curious to see the words your soul emits? That’s what keeps me writing.
I’m…..Not…..Alone
Me, too. Me, too. I don’t know what to say. Maybe something my father always said to me: This too shall pass. We’re listening. Take some time for self-care. We’ll be here.
Right there with ya. It’s been a fucking rough year on a lot of fronts. But as I’m about to misquote, words and ideas matter, words and ideas CAN make a difference. They’re the only things that ever do.
We have a lot of friends in common yet have never met in person. I know from all of them that you are an awesome human being. Please remember depression lies. Like, we all need that in cross-stitch on every wall of our house because it’s so hard to keep track of. And hugs.
You are not alone! Keep fighting. Sending lots of positive vibes.
How sad for you. You seem to be a bitter, angry person.
I hope you have people in your life to give you a hug today.
Over the last week, I have entered the complete meltdown zone! A friend noticied me used the words f-up and failure when I was referring to myself. She asked me what I considered to be failure and my response was ” giving up” . People like you take on the weight of the world whether you intend to or not. You are just feeling EVERYTHING now. Take time to mind your own energy if you can. The ego is very tricky at times and can make you fall into fear and depression. You are far from alone. You are part of a much larger group that really understands. Don’t give up and try to talk to yourself the way you would talk to any of us if we had expressed these feelings. You would have been kind, gentle and supportive. You are worthy of the same treatment. Sending you love and light!
is it too late to say how much I admire your work… and your opinions.. and you as a person? I hate the the shitty internet trolls attack you so badly. For some reason you are an easy target for them, and it makes me so sad. This time of year is just generally hard with seasonal depression which gets me most winters in the last 5 years atleast. Only realized for what it was not long ago.
I have read most of your work, and your writing is distinctly on point. When you get out of this funk, you writing will shine, and we will be eager to read it! Or listen to it, or whatever. It’s okay if your brain is blank for you will get a great idea soon enough.
Sounds like a serious case of writers block or depression. If it’s depression then reach out to others. If it’s writers block, step away a bit, find something to read or do to get your mind off it, and if somewhere along the line something comes to you, make a note so you don’t forget it and come back when you are ready
Hi, I know I’m late in seeing this (I had surgery and wasn’t exactly up for the internet), but I wanted to add my voice to those saying that we do care, a lot, and it’s worth waiting til you’re ready and able just to hear/see/read more from you. I know that you know depression is a lying asshole, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to not listen to the things the bastard tells you. A couple of months ago I sent you a very long winded email expressing my gratitude to and for you and while I generally assume you don’t have time to read all your fan/random internet strangers emails, I want to reiterate that your work/contributions/persona have given me so much in my life and I will be forever grateful to you.
Wil, even writing those words of exasperation helped someone, so they were worth showing up for. Writers often forget, though we are alone in our heads, we toil figuratively along side a multitude of others in the same situation. It’s comforting to be reminded that we are not alone.
In a few minutes, I’ll be headed off to the coffeeshop, where, more likely than not, I’ll try to edit a novel I’ve had in the works for six years. Despite a second cancer diagnosis for which I had a double mastectomy Dec 10th, no epiphanies have come forth as yet as to what the heck this damn book is actually about. This seems patently unfair. I should at least have gotten some clarity and purpose as a consolation (Boobie?) prize.
Whether that bolt of lightening strikes or not, I’ll show up because that is the job of a writer. I’ll ponder the meaning of life, marriage and Zig Ziglar’s thoughts on motivation. I’m paraphrasing… “The choices you make today, are what you choose for tomorrow.” I choose to be a writer, even when it sucks.