I’ve been reading all the comments so many of you left on my last post, and I wanted to take a moment to thank you for your kindness. It really does mean a lot to me, and it really does make a big difference, to know that I’m not the only creative person who is struggling right now, and has been struggling this entire year. It means so much to me that so many of you who are reading this took a moment to let me know that you’re there, and that you care about what I make.
The Internet in 2017 (at least in my personal experience, which is absolutely affected by my depression) is so flooded by casual cruelty, it is overwhelming and suffocating and exhausting. Thank you for showing and reminding me that good and kind people are in this world. Thank you for taking the time and making the effort to reach out to me. You didn’t have to do that, and I’m very grateful that you did.
I went to my brain doctor a few days ago, and talked with him about how much I’ve been struggling. I told him how bad I’ve been feeling, and how hard it’s been for me to do any of the creative things that I’ve always loved to do. He told me that a lot of his patients are having the most challenging year they’ve had in a long time, so it’s not just me. We talked about some different things we could do, and decided to change up my meds a little bit. The adjustment has been tough for the last few days, but I woke up this morning feeling hopeful and … well, not joyful or even happy, but at least I didn’t feel bad. I know that doesn’t sound like much of an improvement, but it really is. It’s going to take another ten to fourteen days for my brain to fully adjust, but I’m hopeful and optimistic that this is going to help me get back to feeling like a person, instead of a bag of failure and sadness.
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What I have found in my life is that it is easier to be negative than positive. I really wish that wasn’t the case, but it’s true.
Plus as part of my f’d up brain and my depression I usually think most people don’t really care what think.
With that all being said (and no matter how hard this really is for me, and how far out of my comfort zone I am going)…
What I think you do is awesome! I love how you try to bring the geek culture in the light. I am not going to blow smoke up your butt and say I agree with 100% of everything you say or do. I will say that even if I don’t agree, I respect how you say it and you respect others. For me, that is the biggest complement I can give.
Keep up the good fight and don’t let others get you down. Keep working with your docs and doing what you love.
I’m so, so glad to hear that you asked for help and found something that is working. This year has been overwhelmingly terrible, and every tiny glimmer of hope and joy is worth celebrating. I went on meds for anxiety this year, and they helped me ask for help with the previously-undiagnosed ADD I’ve struggled with for my entire life (I’m 41). I credit you and other wonderful creative people like you for fighting against the stigma enough that I felt able to admit that I couldn’t do it alone anymore. Thank you for your work.
I’ve been watching TNG on Netflix, in order, over the course of the last year. I usually get to watch it while I’m doing dishes or sometimes walking on the treadmill if I’m caught up on other stuff. Seeing you in the early seasons was so cool-fun-interesting, then it got to a point of “Aw, shucks, he’s no longer on the show” when you departed. How totally surprising it was when you showed up “Parallels” (7.11) for a moment. Good times. I think you show up in one more episode, and I’m looking forward to that.
All this to say you still bring joy through your art. Like so many others have said in different ways, please continue to get well and come back to create more when you’re ready.
I was reading an article the other day about a Harvard study of the CO2 levels indoors vs outdoors. They are definitely much higher than what is safe. They’ve found it causes cognitive issues as well as affecting mood, energy, sleep, etc. The levels are way above what they’ve found is safe on the ISS where they can control the levels and keep them low to keep the astronauts sharp and calm.
Unfortunately, for those of us living on Gray Street, it means we are even more susceptible to problems than our mood stable counterparts. I know you guys have been hammered by smoke and ash this year. And of course Southern California is a super high traffic and industrial area. It’s got to be taking its toll.
But aside from those folks lucky enough to be in space, we’re all just stuck with what we’re breathing. I just found it interesting. I couldn’t find the article I read, but this one is similar and can link you to the Harvard data.
https://thinkprogress.org/exclusive-elevated-co2-levels-directly-affect-human-cognition-new-harvard-study-shows-2748e7378941/
You’re so loved Wil.
Glad to know you are being proactive. Even the effort of seeing a professional, shows that you are going in a positive direction. Bullies are myriad, they can be middle school kids, corporate sociopaths or humanoids who enjoy anonymity making negative social media comments. Moving forward (with rest stops), is inspiring to all who care about you,
Thank you, Wil, for helping me make a critical decision I’ve been wrestling with for years: the work title that should appear on the business cards for my freelance writing business. “Owner” seems kinda silly for a business with virtually no assets other than paychecks that disappear into a maw of debt as soon as they arrive. “Writer/Editor” is accurate and descriptive, but without soul. And then I read your blog today and there it was: Bag of Failure and Sadness. Or instead, perhaps I’ll add “BOFAS” after my name, like a professional designation. Yeah. Folks’ll just have to guess what it means. All of which is to say that on days when I forget what a privilege it is to be able to write for a living–which is most days because I’m, like, an idiot–it helps to know that for most of us, this job always sucks until it doesn’t. Keep the faith. Or sell the faith on eBay. Or lend it to a 4th-level Druid whose ferret familiar just became a demogorgon’s amuse bouche. And while you’re deciding what to do with the faith and whatall, please accept my gratitude for all of your good work.
I have been having the worst year too. Keep on fighting so see the light up ahead. I know it is there.
Much love and understanding. Its great you got to see your doctor and I hope and pray things get better, even if its a moment. I live for those moments. Hugs!
I agree that this year has been more rough than previous years and I believe that more people felt they could express hatred and hurtful comments a lot more than I’ve seen before. And starting a small business and being more active on the internet, you can see a lot more of what people say and is way more stressful. So, as I am learning and hope that you can too, take lots of time or of your day to not go online except fairly short stints if you can help it. It does wonders for my anxiety ❤️ Hang in there and know that we live you and your work!
I couldn’t find the words to write after your last post, but I wanted to say thank you for voicing how you felt and are feeling. It’s such a relief to see others struggling (wait, that sounds awful…) because I have really been struggling this year. I had to start taking anti-anxiety meds for the first time ever and it has allowed my depression to come through with reckless abandon. Now I need to go see my doc and see what else can be thrown into the mix because having no desire to make anything is rough. I feel like a chunk of me is just sending an out-of-office email every time I look at a project I was really excited about not long ago.
Glad to hear you are feeling neutralish – a huge step in the right direction! It’s a glimmer of hope.
I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit better. Thanks for all you do, Wil!
Wil, I don’t know if you’ll see this. I hope you do. See, in ways big and small you’ve had a positive effect on what’s been going on this year. After what you and Anne went through in late May, you came (still dealing with the repercussions) and recorded my words. As you always do, you brought something special which only added to them. Listening to what your recording not only pushed me to do work at a speed I hadn’t worked in years (I’m in final text editing on the next book), you also gave me a way to lose myself in something creative, a respite from the daily drone of people seemingly doing their best to do the worst thing they can possibly do for our country.
I can get caught up in what’s going on. And that can have an effect on output. But the goal keeps me on track.
I know you have your own creative work. And I hope the knowledge that so many want to hear what you have to say helps you find the words. Or maybe that’s too much pressure. Sometimes I realize I’m writing only entertain my kids, or close friends. Sometimes that gives me the abiltiy to shut everything else out and express the words that not only excite others, but soothe me and bring me comfort.
Feeling ‘not bad’ is a really good step.
This brought tears to my eyes.
This boost you’ve had from reading the comments on your last post? That’s how you make other people feel, just by being who you are.
Super ditto. That right there.
Optimism and Negativity are equally contagious. I have also found that social media and internet interactions are largely sad and angry. I don’t like feeling that way and so that has limited the destinations I choose to read. Hateful language is impossible to avoid, but I consider exposure a visit – I’m not going to live there. My husband struggles with debilitating depression, and this year has been especially hard. He knows I support him in whatever way he needs, even if that includes his isolation. It’s not about me and whether or not he loves me. Its about his ability to communicate and/or participate in the day. Medication helps, but sometimes we have to just travel through it, and hope the peaceful destination is not far away. Every day is different and I accept that. I hope you realize just how valuable a human being you are. Like my husband, I consider you to be brilliant and therefore more sensitive to the burdens of thought. The words you have contributed in your young life are already considered to be powerful, insightful and quote-worthy. How many of us would love to have that legacy? You will contribute again – of that I am sure. But the self-imposed pressure is not how to find your creative muse. Through love, experiences, observations, information and lots of humor, you will have an abundance of words. Allow yourself the time to gather all those for a while. Bless you, Wil.
Thanks for the reminder that optimism is equally contagious, and that it’s up to us to take charge.
What a great comment! Thank you for being in this world. 🙂
Wil – I hope you continue to feel better now you’ve seen your “brain doctor” and the adjusted meds are starting to work. You are a legend and have touched so many people’s lives through your films, tv, writing and instagram pictures – I know you certainly have for me and my daughters. Keep on being you and know that you’re loved by loads of people – give your family members a hug and go for a nice walk with Seamus and Marlowe! Keep on keeping on sir! 🙂
That’s good news Wil. Fingers crossed and sending good juju your way.
Thank you for reaching out and for trying to make a change!!! Your video showed me to look at the positive and take the world by the balls. So I enrolled into an online course for photography(already finished my first chapter assignment). Presently I live in Kimberley BC. It is like a Santa Clause Village close to the Rockies, except the elves are wicked and evil. Just joking of course(partly). My next step is to go back to college in Vancouver, or even Chilliwack, at the very ripe age of 42. Since I watched your video 3 weeks ago, I also decided to make positive changes, so I quit smoking pot. I made these positive changes, because you reminded me to look at the positive. Keep shining Wil Wheaton!
I’m glad to read you’re taking care of yourself. And I’m glad all of our positive comments are feeding your soul positive energy.
Our collective hope has been beaten up a bit. It’s time for us to feed it. It’s been hard, but it’s heartening to know the feeling is shared. And to know there are many committed to the solution
Thanks so very much, Wil, for being you. Your work makes me think, sometimes invigorates me, and delights my heart. (*a not-so-subtle plug for a year-end Radio Free Burrito).
Rock on with your bad self! We got your back Wil!
Life is not easy that is for sure, but knowing that there are people out there that support you hopefully helps:).
I don’t know what to say except sending hugs and love.
Dearest Wil,
Glad to read that what some of us said had a positive impact. I always find that when you’re inside of a depression, it helps to know that you’re not alone and that you’re understood. We can’t be happy all the time. If we were, we would not be human. Depression is difficult, more for some than others, but when we are able to come out on the other side things seem amazing and new. Even cat bloggers get depressed. I mean, the cat videos and cat pictures always help get you through it, but you still wind up there just the same. Sometimes your brain is unable to process ideas. I mentioned in the Tumblr Ask that I sent you that I know where you’re coming from. I have been in a low state since the end of the summer and things can be real difficult sometimes. I was live-streaming everyday this summer with my cat for a bunch of kids. It was amazingly fun for them, but at one point I just crashed and could not handle it anymore. I was so frustrated that it began showing in my demeanor during the streams. So I took a break. I don’t know yet if I will to back to it, but that’s OK. Sometimes we need a break, or sometimes something in particular that we are doing is just not the right thing for us. Regardless, it is not a waste. It’s not a waste because it made someone else happy. That in itself makes things worth it. No matter how down you get, just remember that. None of the time was wasted. The fact that you took the time to show your vulnerable side to all of us is amazing as well. Just like all of those who left comments and helped you in some way, you helped us by letting us know we are not alone too. I know it might not fix things, but I know for a fact it can put a smile on your face for a time, jump on over to our Tumblr blog. A little bouncing cat is always good for the soul.
May the Fluff be with you,
Oreo Cat.
The changes in daylight really affect my depression during this time of year. This year alone is enough affect one’s mental health.
I’m glad that you talked to your brain doctor. Keep going Wil! You’ll get through this! You have a loving family and and a multitude of fans in your corner. Take care!
Yup after years of dark Decembers and Januaries including a hospitalization. Brain doctor and I realized I had to up the mess at this time. So I do the minute Daylight savings time ends until it starts again. Big difference!
Up the medication. Autocorrect has an anti med bias
Dear Wil,
What a really genuine email you just sent out. I just want to let you know that my husband and I really like you. We see you as a smart, creative, decent, neat guy. We’re really glad that you’re in the world. They never should have killed YOU off in that Sharknado movie! ; > ) I’m pulling for you that the new meds turn things around. And just think: Doug Jones! Take care – lots of people care about you.
I was thinking of writing a whole page of epic stuff …..my new idea was to keep it simple …. so i came up with this. WE CARE …. WE LISTEN 😃
Thanks for sharing and being real Wil. No matter what you say or how you feel, I will never think of you as a failure. 🙂
Wil! I’m not a writer or even close but I’m a vast reader, elite athlete in running and cross country skiing (for my age) and a massive board gamer. You are a very special inspiration to me for sure! I Delt with a lot of anguish and disparity despite having great outlets over the years. Last Easter I took up Yoga nearly daily since then and changed my diet drastically. On top of running, rollerski or on snow cross country skiing daily. My mind is clearer and my body is clean. It’s not easy to change so drastically but I feel amazing for 46. Nearly as good as my prime years. Maybe some healthy tweets would help you!
We cannot deny that a half empty glass is also half full.
We’re here with you Wil. I’ve been struggling myself with just being completely overwhelmed by a sense of sorrow and anger that touches ever part of my life. But we all need to keep pushing forward together and keep trying to make things better. Good luck with the new meds!
I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’m inspired by your writing. I was even thinking about starting a blog. But I don’t know how to start exactly.
Hi there,
I felt really inspired to start a website after reading “Just a Geek.” Wil’s book offered some great insight.
I’ve been doing it for a year. In my experience the best thing to do is jump–but do a little research. Last year at this time I was researching blog hosting through web searches. I looked at and compared what blog hosts offered and the experiences of others. The experiences included the creative product (blog) and what bloggers were saying about their hosting. I decided WordPress would work best for me and my needs. I probably spent a couple hours over the course of two to three days looking around the internet to come to this conclusion.
Once I laid out the bare bones and structure of my website I chose to learn some HTML. I did this because I had an interest. Coding is fun for me. Most host services don’t require you to know HTML, but I would recommend at least picking up a reference guide. I keep on my shelf “HTML & CSS: Design and Build Websites” by Jon Duckett. The thing I find most helpful about this book is it contains many visual examples and offers great all-around tips. Knowing some HTML has helped me have better control over my text— mainly because I have to factor in academic formatting in what I do (I am far from an HTML pro).
A good free resource for HTML is the Khan Academy course! There are also a lot of good websites out there that you can find with a basic search that covers the basics of HTML.
Lastly, familiarize yourself with fair use and the creative commons license. If you are not supplying your own images, get ones with the creative commons license. I relied on Wikimedia a lot in my thesis. There are a lot of cool open source websites out there. I’ve been turned on to some great ones from reading and listening to Wil’s work. Open culture is one I really enjoy!
Hopefully, this is helpful. Best of luck and happy blogging 😊 Working on a website is a fun adventure!
I’m so glad to hear you are doing a little better Wil. You matter to so many people. You are anything but “a bag of failure and sadness.” You have achieved so many things that so many of us would love to achieve. The things you make are inspiring to so many of us. The things you say, think, and share brightens a lot of people’s days 🙂
It’s been a hard year. You are certainly not alone. Keep feeling better and taking care of yourself.
Hi WIl. We met at Salt Lake Comic Con this past September. I dressed up as Eleven from Stranger Things and you signed my copy of “Just a Geek”. We talked about Stranger Things and you told me how Johnny Galecki recommended the show to you. Later that day, I got the privilege of getting a photo op with you. I have no idea if you remember me or not. If you don’t remember me, no worries. You met a lot of fans that day. I would know because I saw them and I was one of them.
By profession, I am a therapist. Heck, I have my own therapist as well. So, I know how hard it is to overcome depressing thoughts and feelings, which makes me glad that you can feel our support because we do love you. Honestly, if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have gone to Comic Con a few months ago. You were the only reason that I went! Anyway, I hope that you continue to feel better and that the medication change makes a difference for you.
Never give up Wil. You’ll have some bad days and some really crappy ones too, but there will also be some really great ones mixed in there too. I’ve been watching a lot of the past episodes of Table Top lately. Absolutely love it. The fun you have playing the games with friends is contagious. I’ve cursed you more than once as I buy yet another game. Wheaton (in my best Sheldon Couper voice). 😁
You mater, not just to us fans, but to your family. You are not alone!
((Hugs))
a bag of failure and sadness…yes, that about sums up 2017 for me, too. I’m so sorry we’re all forced to deal with this. It sucks. I hope that 2018 sucks less 🙂
You are a good guy. Glad you’re here, and glad you’re feeling better. Your honesty is a beautiful thing in this really crappy year.
The more honest and open you are, the greater your contribution.
I’ve recently learned to question my reasons for doing things 7 times (as a child does with “why”) to give myself the most stable foundation I can for making art. I believe that if you were to complete such a task, you would emerge with a reason for making your art that could overcome the kinds of negativity with which we’ve all been inundated.
I think that if you find a stable answer to “Why?” the negative crap that comes to you will be a source of strength.
Thank you for your vulnerability and openness.
I’m glad to hear you’ve visited your brain doc & are adjusting your meds.
It’s been a very difficult year for a lot of us. I find your transparency about your issues heartening. Rock on, Wil! ❤️
It’s good to hear that things are feeling a little better. You are an incredible, wonderful, all around lovely human being. And you never fail to support or encourage or even just take a moment to be caring and kind to people who are fighting their own depression. You make me feel that much more able to fight my own on rough days. You make me want to fight to feel that little bit better, when some days I don’t even want to bother to try. So I hope that you’ll let us take a turn at being the encouraging ones, and tell you that you absolutely matter and are cared for and adored. The world needs more of you.
I’ve had to adjust my meds too in the last 2 weeks.
The seasonal affective disorder combined with the Trump affective disorder and the fact that this is my first holiday as a divorced woman has really been knocking me back.
Wil, we are all tired of this year. My brain hurts my soul hurts my heart hurts at seeing the veil ripped off America. We white people are living the fear that black folks have had to live their whole lives.
One day at a time, brother. I will see you in February on the high seas. I hope we can sit together quietly and just find peace in the moment
AuntiLaura
I just wanted to say that I enjoy reading your blog, twitter and seeing your work as an actor.
You make a difference.. Thanks!
I’m sorry for the mean hateful people on the internet but very happy that at least some people are kind and restoring your faith a bit. This time of year makes people so stressed so I’m glad you’re getting good care to weather it!
Wil…
I’ve had friends with depression, and I’ve seen up close how badly it degrades one’s perception of one’s self worth. Good on ya for going to seek help even when things seemed blackest. Like all your fans, I am delighted to know you are finding your way back.
Years ago I wrote on my now-defunct blog how Wheaton’s Law helped me find the love of my life. You do make a difference, Will — a huge difference, in more lives than you can possibly imagine. I hope that knowledge will bring you some comfort when the clouds gather.
https://web.archive.org/web/20130105022246/http://geekman.com/?p=4337
Rock on, dude.
JGB
I’m so glad you are taking care of your mental health. The struggle is real but you’re not alone.
Buy us a piñata.
A shark. Or a t-rex. Something cool.
Thank you. Know that there are others who fight similar battles, and that they take strength from knowing they are not alone. I appreciate you and your words have helped me.
And for what it is worth, my doctor has also acknowledged that 2017 has been a really rough year and has adjusted my medication to help me through it.
I consider the opportunity to be kind to other people to be one of the best gifts I can give to myself when I’m depressed. This year has been so hard and I have received so much comfort from you. I’m glad your meds adjustment is allowing you to feel some hope. I predict that you’ll find your creativity again because you have a 100% track record of doing so. Best of luck.
A good thing happened just the other day. They are happening all the time. The bad stuff makes it really hard to see the good stuff sometimes, but seeing how many people are getting really bent out of shape about the bad stuff should give us hope. Trolls see our anger as their food, little realizing that their food will soon eat them.
Just had a med change myself, let’s get through this.
Sad truth: Sometimes it can take years of trying various meds, often in various combinations, to find the “key” that helps you get to a place where you can really make progress. And that’s what the meds are for: to get you over the hump; to elevate your mood and energy to the point where you can truly benefit from the hard work that is therapy. You’re a bright guy. That said, I sincerely hope that you are seeing a therapist who focuses on a cognitive approach, rather than the “positive reflection” crap practiced by so many. With a little direction, your intellect can save you. And remember, some of this is simply a result of and reaction to where you are in the arc of your life. Middle age is often when we hit the wall, so to speak; but it can also be a time of exceptional epiphany. Patience.
Thanks for being honest about your depression. It helps people like me feel like I’m not alone. Best wishes to you and your family.