horsin’ around

Red Dead Redemption 2 is the most emotionally profound game I have ever played. When I finished it a couple months ago, I felt a kind of wonderful sadness that something I loved was over, secure in the knowledge that I’d be able to experience the story, spend time with the characters, and explore the world all over again whenever I did a replay.

So about a week ago, after I had finished replaying the story in Red Dead Redemption 1, I started my replay. I already have a deeper appreciation for the early character interactions, because I’ve spent a hundred hours more with them than I had the first time around, and I know now that I really want to spend as much time in chapter 2 as I possibly can.

But I know that you’re not here for my philosophical ruminations on the deeper story that is happening around Arthur and his gang, and I know you aren’t here to read a thousand words about why it feels so good to leave this awful world behind for a few hours every night.

You’re here for horse names. I see you.

So Hosea wants me to go hunting with him. I know there’s a legendary bear in our future, and I know that we aren’t going to take it down on our first try, because I’ve been here before. But what I don’t remember is that Hosea wants me to take this old draft horse to the stables in Valentine and sell it, so I can get a new horse of my own.

I already have a horse, and he’s fine, but there’s nothing special about him. He’s sort of a starter horse, and he’s a good boah, but he isn’t that fast, even after we’ve reached our maximum bonding level.

So I go to the stables, I sell this big draft horse, and I pick up a Palomino. She’s beautiful, with a gorgeous white mane and some dappling on her haunches. She’s fast, and she’s going to cost me $150 of my $155.

It’s a lot of money to spend on my horse, and it’s going to be challenging to rebuild my savings this early in the game, but the alternative is a $50 horse who I don’t feel anything for. Even in a video game, an emotional connection with my horse is important to me, so I spend nearly all of my money, and buy her.

Now the game lets me give her a name, and I have to make the most important decision I’m going to make in this game for the next 24 hours of gameplay.

I have already used Mane Weidlin and Neighlor Swift. I briefly consider Nagnes Moorehead, but it’s kind of a walk, and it’s too long for the number of characters I get, anyway.

So I start thinking about horse-related terms, and I end up with “Steed” in my head…

Which is why I am delighted to introduce you all to my new horse, Tara Steed. She’s a little bit of a mess, but she means well and is doing the best she can.

She’s no Neighlor Swift, but who is, really?

36 thoughts on “horsin’ around”

  1. MANE WIEDLIN. I think Jane would appreciate that, animal love and weirdo that she is.

  2. As someone who’s last name is “Swift”, and often gets the question, “Are you related to Taylor”… I stick my tongue out at Neighlor 😛

    You’ve talked about it a few times, and I might need to pick up RD2. I loved Zelda:BotW, and this looks like it feels similar.

  3. I actually kind of want your thousands of words of philosophical rumination, because I am THIS CLOSE to the end of that game right now, have poured thousands of words into discussing it, and I honestly don’t feel anything like that about it. It’s obviously a very complex and thoughtful work, and I’m fascinated by the different experiences this game seems to offer. So, you know, whenever you write that book I’ll be there for it. But in the meantime, horse names are a really good distraction.

  5. Tara Steed. I like it. Nice mashup of Tara King and John Steed. I personally think Emma Steed would work as well but it’s your horse. I’m not coordinated at video games but escaping more into reading/discussing fantastic fiction like the Crown of Tremontane series is almost as good. Have fun!

    1. I think he’s actually making a play on “Tara Reid” if his other names are any indication.

  6. Wow, I haven’t felt that way about a video game since Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic. Games these days just aren’t as good. Listen to me, sounding old and curmudgeonly.

  10. Could you name one LeAnn or Schplendoinkle? I can’t play that game myself, as I am of old hardware.

  13. “She’s no Neighlor Swift, but who is, really?” genuinely broke me. Burst out laughing so hard in bed I nearly woke the baby. Thank you Wil. I needed that.

  14. I love your mind meanderings; this one complete with a Whinny the Pooh (please forgive my silly pun, but you inspired it out of me). God is sooo in the details of your writing, Wil!

  15. I literally had horses dying left and right. I didn’t bother to name them, customize them. I’d just GTA it. Horse dies, grab new horse. Repeat. At first, I did do the thing a few times where you run back to the stable, but then I just said eff that. I should have named all of my horses Disposable, except I couldn’t even be bothered to type that. They were all one big meaty blur. Actually, Meaty Blur. That’s a good one.

    I read this article at Polygon awhile back on the subject and found it extremely amusing.

    https://www.polygon.com/2019/2/28/18244135/red-dead-rdr2-online-horse

  17. I would have gone with Nagatha Christie, myself. Actually, if Rockstar ever release RDR2 on PC, I’ll use that very name.

    Maybe Whinny-ona Ryder. Or is that too obvious?

  23. I understand! Naming horses in games is important… especially when they cannot be renamed. This post makes me want to go play some BotW just to go ride all of my horses… because you have to keep them all active! Lol 😆

  24. The agony of choice—should it be Poni Collette or Pony Christie? If Whinny, should it be Churchill or Mandela? And if you want to get medieval on your ass, you can always go for Thomas Equinas…

  25. Naming a horse is very important, (it’s important for any animal!) While I don’t play online games, I used to play D&D and as a Paladin I had 2 war horses that were very important to me: Bror and Black. They were both unique and had special abilities. While I didn’t pay for them (Bror was a gift from my god, Black was a gift from my god and a demon princess), I was lucky and thrilled to have them.

  26. My first Haiku was about a Horse I wrote at 8 and it was published in my school paper.

    I just found out today my mother passed away! RIP Mom Eleanor Monteen Soto Mohican, Oneida, and Brothertown Medicine Woman, Pipe Carrier, and Water Protector.

    1. Hail to Eleanor Monteen Soto! May her bold spirit be blessed on her new journey!

  27. You probably won’t see this but not sure where else t say it since I do social media only in limited ways and those ways don’t line up with yours. I was just flipping around the dial while I wait for a late night phone call for work and was feeling a little sorry for myself on a couple of different issues, when I found a re-run of BBT on. It was the relatively early ep where Wil Wheaton is still Sheldon’s arch nemesis, and your performance, even though I’d seen it many times before, left me laughing out loud, as always. Particularly your tone of voice and facial expression on “What?!” and then “Game Over, Moonpie.”

    Thanks for the laughs. I needed ’em tonight.

  31. This is adorable. And also makes me want to try picking up the game again. I started playing right after it came out, but just could not get into it. Only got like 3-4 hours in and it just wasn’t catching me.

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