I’m getting ready to head out of the house and do my adulting for the day.
I have this mix of Pennywise, Bad Religion, Lagwagon, Social Distortion, and their contemporaries playing way louder than usual, all over the house, as I am the only one home.
I get dressed like I always do. I put on a pair of Volcom pants, a Bauhaus T-shirt, and my Converse.
Then, when it’s time to transform my bedhead into not that, I look up and see this old man looking back at me in the mirror.
And let me tell you, it’s kind of a lot to see and feel that. In my head, all morning, I’ve been a wiser, calmer, more confident and happier version of the person I was in my 20s; just a guy eating cereal, drinking coffee, surrounded by second wave punk.
I got so lost in that place, it was like a bucket of cold water when I saw … myself … almost 50 … just looking back at me. Like, “What’s up dude. I’m you.” Grey all through my beard, lines in my face, bags under my eyes even though I slept perfectly last night.
And I saw this look on my face, real quick, before I knew what was happening. It was this knowing look from me, who is almost 50, reminding me, who forgot he was almost 50, that, yes, you are almost 50, Wil. It’s so weird, this disconnect between my physical, chronological aging, and the way I feel inside of a body that’s probably about halfway through its existence on this planet.
Bad Religion still fucking slams, though.
I will be 50 a few weeks before you. I feel this deeply.
As a 40+ year old punker, I can say “21st century digital boy” is Nostradamus-like in hindsight. P.S. We seem to have similar morning routines though I usually start my day with Bouncing Souls and Rancid before sliding into Social D and Lagwagon.
The ancient Romans used to make themselves look older on purpose and I think about that all the time
So ancient Romans wanted to look more ancient?
lol, yes. They valued wisdom and maturity and deliberately made themselves look older in their art work to project those values. That, and poor people died young, so living a long life was a status symbol. Old= rich
Do you know if you post a thing and it goes to moderation then you get an image that pops up that says submitting and then POP. It’s just gone into the ether like it never even was , and maybe that should be all comments on the internet forever.
That just happened to me. Then another comment I wrote posted just fine. ??
I have a feeling that might be my fault.
I turned 50 last August, I totally understand. I don’t feel older than my 20s, well until a friend in their twenties asks me to do something a twenty something would do, then I realize I am happy being 50. Although I wish I transitioned at 20, not at 48, that does make me feel like somehow my candle is burning too quick.
OHMYWORD I know that feeling so much.
We have different taste in music but I can absolutely relate to bopping along in my routine and feeling like I’m still in my 20s and 1992 was just a few years ago.
Then I go visit my GRANDSON and after playing on the floor for a while I get reminded about being almost 48. 😂 Wouldn’t trade it for anything though. Thankful I’ve been blessed with this many years after some of the dumb stuff I did when I was a kid.
I just turned 48 and this went right to my soul… ugh.
53 here. This happens to me regularly. 1986 (class of) doesn’t seem that long ago until you do the math…
Nearly 46. And yup.
Count your blessings, Wil, when you look at that bedhead. At your age, Patrick Stewart was straight-up bald, and Michael Dorn was getting paid to wear a Klingon head on camera. You’re doing fine.
So true. Age is only a number. Wrinkles are proof you’ve lived and are still here. The alternative to age is worse. Count every blessing that came with the time you have lived. Each year there are more to count.
I entered in my 40s last September, and still I feel the same. As a redhead, I’m not aging too well, my beard is almost all white and gray, and being heavily overweight due to depression and anxiety disorders, I feel way older than I actually am. I’ve been in a very dark place for the last three-ish years and I’m not when, how, or if I will eventually get out of it. Music helps, sometimes…
Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.
Feeling it over here, too. When did my clothes stop fitting right? What happened to the texture of my hair? Should I start coloring (except this time to cover grey)? Am I too old for the hairstyle I want? What are these spots on my skin? Why can’t I find this style of (insert item) anymore? Busting out the red 90s lipliner, loving some new wave… that they’re now playing on the oldies station. Getting old sucks.
And when you turn 60, you (or in my case, your high school students) will look at pictures of 40-year-old you with amazement that “you used to be young.” Hang in there. The older you get, the more realistic your curmudgeon core will become. It’s a glorious thing.
‘Like, “What’s up dude. I’m you.”‘ My elderly patients have often mentioned this weird disconnect when they see themselves in a mirror. Who they feel they are on the inside is not who they find staring back at them.
(They also tell me, “Don’t get old.” I say I already missed the chance to die young.)
It’s been said that the reason our eyesight gets worse with age is so that we don’t have a heart attack when we pass a mirror.
As a musician who plays a lot of Renaissance and Baroque repertoire, I take comfort in the fact that so much stuff I like will never be any more obsolete than it already is.
I found the worst thing about turning fifty is that everybody — and I do mean everybody — wants to sell you life insurance. The letters are polite, but they all boil down to “Damn, dog, you OLD!”
It feels very satisfying to run these through the shredder.
The universe loves its entropy.
I get EXACTLY what you are saying here and I agree! We SHOULD outlaw all mirrors. Just forward me the petition and I’ll sign…
As one who is also fifty-harumph years old, I grok this entirely.
I got 50 a couple of weeks ago. I am with you, man. And always remember, getting old is better than the alternative… 😀
Four more years here ugg… Sometimes i think of Brandis, my other role model (i think i could have been friends with him but i blew it), he’ll never get past 27. I’m still saddened he didn’t make it through the after-years but I’m grateful you ultimately did, sorry to hear it was a struggle but glad you’re with us. I wonder if we can be friends.
I feel myself creeping up on 40 and I have to b proud that I’ve made it this far. I’m no longer who I was 20yrs ago. I’m wiser, fatter, and losing my hair. Some of us don’t get the privilege of aging.
My day starts with a cigarette and a cold pepsi. Has since the late 90s. Music preferences have changed a bit but I still feel nostalgic from time to time. Mainly hip-hop, some rap, and lots of dubstep(and similar sounds) its been “techno” since the 90s so I still refer to it all as such. Too many sub-genres to keep track of.
Star trek has got to b my favorite sci fi series of series of all time. Minus enterprise. Wasn’t a fan. Intro music is awful. Never could get into the original series. I did watch tng as a kid. As well as ds9 and VOY when they came out in the 90s. I remember being entertained and interested then. As an adult I’ve rewatched many series over again(possibly multiple times) and understood more of what star trek meant. THAT IS STAYING POWER.
One nerd to another….live long and phosphor 🖖
About halfway through your life? Dog, I’m older than you and heads up – you’re probably more than 2/3s through with life. Your lifelong anxiety has done irreversible harm to your cardiac system. No sarcasm, I’m trying to do you a favor- enjoy the last bit of life. I’m in the same boat.
Dude, this is not helpful or necessary.
Squeaky wheel really gets the grease doesn’t it. I was honest and sincere and this asshat gets a response.
Oh, phooey, Will.
Fifty? You’re afraid of FIFTY?
That’s the prime of life. I’m twelve months from seventy and I’ve stopped feeling sorry for myself for growing older. After all…. consider the alternative!
Be well. Keep giving us wonderful content.
I’m not afraid! I’m excited! I think it’s gonna be so cool when I’m your age! Getting older is a privilege, and I’m not going to waste it.
I get your point about feeling like you’re still in your 20s, Wil – I’ll be 60 next year, and aside from an occasional twinge that pulls me back to Earth, in my heart and mind I’m still 25 or so.
I’m glad you’re looking forward to it, young man – here’s to your half-Century!
Yep…sometimes my mind thinks that I’m still in my twenties, but my body strongly disagrees! In addition to the mirror, I’m often reminded of my age when my college-aged daughter texts me about some crazy college shenanigans she’s up to, and I think…how can it be that I have a kid in college? Wasn’t I just there, causing my own chaos in college?!?! (Not saying that there isn’t mischief to be caused here in my late 40s…) 🙂
Just wanted to say I am there with you on the depression. Hope you are doing well. I know that it could just be acting but you always seemed like you were a good person in real life! Carry on, thank you for the smiles!