In seven days, I will be 50 years-old. This is … weird. I do not feel the way I expected I would feel when I was approaching 50, nor do any of my friends. The only time I feel like I’m middle-aged is when my body does some bullshit that takes me down for hours because I had the nerve to stand up quickly. And I really hate it when I have to use the flashlight on my phone to see a menu. I mean, at that point, I may as well be dropping my pants for free and singing the Old Gray Mare.
Anyway. This has been on my mind for a little bit, so I had something to say when someone used my tumblr ask me thingy earlier this week:
Q: I hope I’m as cool as you when I’m 49. I’d like to think I’m taking the right steps towards that version of myself.
A: So I’m not sure I’m cool, but I do know that I don’t suck, and that it’s a choice I make every day.
I desperately wish someone in my family had told me, or shown me by example, that getting older doesn’t mean getting stupid and boring and stuffy and extremely uncool. I wish I’d known that, because I spent all of my life until I was in my 40s feeling like there was this day coming very soon when I would have to stop listening to punk, stop playing video games, put on a suit, and start yelling at kids for no good reason. I didn’t know that you don’t have to suddenly stop being who you are and become something or someone you hate, just because of a certain age. I know that’s super obvious, but to young me, it was not. My dad was an asshole, my mom never showed up for me. Directors and people on set had been treating me like a thing for my entire life. I got yelled at for no reason from adults who knew better almost every day. Most of my elementary school teachers were authoritarian, evangelical assholes. All of these different adults, consistently, shut me down and made me feel like I didn’t matter, the things I liked were stupid, and my opinions were invalid because of reasons I didn’t understand because I was a dumb kid. So I presumed that when you got to be a certain age, that’s what happened. I didn’t want to be that, at all, and I was sincerely afraid of the day it would happen.
But as I got older, I discovered that all that stuff I hated about adults doesn’t automatically happen. Those adults I just mentioned all made a choice to be an asshole. I just didn’t know it. I was in my early 20s when I did a movie with a cinematographer who was, I think, 45 at the time. He was the coolest, kindest, most artistic dude I’d ever known. He mentored me and we had epic fun making great art together. I remember telling him, “I’m not afraid of being in my 40s like I used to be. I didn’t know you could still be cool.”
It’s sad, that I grew up in such a toxic environment, and didn’t know any of these things.
So, 9 days before I turn 50, here are a couple things I have figured out: You know who sucks when they hit 49 and 50? People who sucked when they were 20 and never grew up. You know who is an asshole at 49 and 50? Yep. Someone who was an asshole as a kid and never experienced consequences for being an asshole.
Hitting middle age has been awesome for me. Other than the aging of my body and its reluctance / refusal to do what I want it to do, I love everything about it. I wish I hadn’t spent so much of my life being afraid that, when I hit 50, it was all over. Because honestly it’s kind of just starting. The coolest stuff in my life to date has all happened in the last ten years, and I’m so grateful that it coincided with me figuring out a lot of shit so I could enjoy it.
The best part of getting older, by several thousand light years, is the part where we figure out how to stop putting up with other people’s bullshit, and we contract our social circle until it’s only populated with a VERY few people who deserve us. And I am incredibly grateful for these occasional opportunities to be a 49 year-old dad who can say all the things that would have been reassuring for 19 year-old me to hear (he wouldn’t have understood, but 29 year-old me would have remembered, and he would have understood. I think.) I sincerely hope someone hears it and finds it helpful.
Anyway, you’re gonna be fine. Just remember that being cool, kind, honest, honorable, reliable, listening and showing up … they are all choices. If you want to be cool when you’re 49, make the choice and set the example for someone to follow you.
Treat kids the way you wanted to be treated when you were young. Listen to them when they offer you the privilege, because that means they trust you, and you have credibility with them. Be a mentor. Be supportive. Show up. Make a choice to be the person you need in the world, and never stop being that person. Start today, and when you’re nearing 50 like I am, hopefully you’ll remember who you needed right now, so you can be that person to someone else in the future. You’re already asking the right questions and taking the first steps. I believe in you. You’ve got this.
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Very wise and noble words good sir!
Living in an entropic, finite universe is something I really have a problem with. The dilemma, however, is that the nearest complaint department is located on the far side of the Local Cluster and my car is now throwing a “fuel pressure low” error code.
But I’m sensing that the real issue here is about Arcade1up’s “Tron” replica coin-op. There’s one on sale at R.C. Wiley’s for $399.00 complete with ultra-cool Tron bar stool and Tron riser. Soooo tempting. I played the demo version but ultimately was disappointed when the sequence of levels didn’t match the regular coin-op. Recognizers do not show up in the maze round on Level 3!
I have that machine. They show up depending on the difficulty setting, I believe.
It’s a deal-breaker for me. On your version and on your settings do the levels match the sequence of original coin-op? Also, have you had any difficulties with the stick breaking?
I’m not good enough to get past level three! Hahaha. The stick is fine, but my spinner is currently down. I haven’t figured out how to fix it, but support has been helpful.
I also have the 1up tempest and it’s flawless.
Tempest!!! I can’t help myself. I warp up to the higher levels and start from there. Usually get my butt kicked on those rounds where the individual lanes start to drop out/disappear. Maybe that cabinet is worth the purchase…hmmm…
Seriously thinking about the Tron box. I know they’ve had problems with parts breaking. The manufacturer will send replacement parts. Did you have to assemble your cabinet after purchase?
I have a half-sized home cabinet with 64 games in it. Classic Pac-Man design. Red ball joystick. All the Pac Man/Kong/misc. greats. A few lesser-knowns. Mr. Do! (oh fellow EXTRA fan), Mr. Do’s Castle, Moon Cresta, Xevious, Gaplus, etc.
Love that thing. The fact that I played and played and played most of those back in the day…well…it’s always like reuniting with old friends.
(Might have lost my reply here; will try again)
Tempest!! What a beast of a game! I can’t help myself. I warp up to the higher levels and start from there. Usually get my butt kicked on the rounds when the lanes begin to drop out/disappear.
Seriously thinking about that Tron cabinet. I know that they’ve had a problem with parts breaking. They will send you new parts. Are you good with a solder gun?
I have a half-size cabinet with 64 games. Pac-Man/Kong/Centipede/etc. Plus others—Moon Cresta, Gaplus, Xevious, etc. And, of course, Mr. Do! and Mr. Do’s Castle. I love that thing. I used to play and play and play those things back in the day. Whew. Playing them now is like re-uniting with old friends.
Tempest is a beast! I can’t help myself. I just warp to the more advanced stages and start from there. I usually get my butt kicked when I reach the stages where the individual lanes drop out/ disappear.
The Tron cabinet is tempting. Broken parts are apparently common. I hear that the manufacturer is good about sending replacement parts. How are you with a Phillips screwdriver and a solder gun?
I’m working with 1UP’s support on that right now. I have to open the cabinet, check a bunch of connections, and go from there. Honestly, I’ve just been too busy to do it.
Tempest is a beast! I can’t help myself. I warp up to the higher levels and start there. I usually die on those rounds where the individual lanes begin to drop out.
Just checked tonight. The Tron cabinet is back up to $699.00. So much for striking while the iron is hot. They’ve apparently become known for parts breaking. The manufacturer is apparently very good at replacing with new parts. How handy are you with a Phillips screwdriver and solder gun?
“flashlight” – my issue at 51 (and a half) is where the bleep are the reading glasses. somehow over the course of a week they all take a walk (on my head) from the room they’re supposed to be in, and into the kitchen where i take them off. and once a week have to walk each one back to the room it belongs to.
and next week…repeat.
I turned 50 last week and you are absolutely right. People who are rigid jerks at 50 were rigid jerks at 30. I used to belive the line from The Breakfast Club…that when you get old, your heart dies. Turns out, it wasn’t true at all.
If 50 is old, then I’m done for.
I hope on your 50th, you blast some Ramones and dance with your family. Early happy birthday!
I hope on your 50th, you blast some Ramones and dance with your family! Early happy birthday.
Happy unbirthday but soon birthday 🙂 My students love it when they realize I also play video games or watch anime or use Discord, you get it. Just like you said, it makes them realize you can still be older and be ‘cool’ and not forget about your favorite hobbies. It also mean we can talk about things they can’t talk about w/ their parents. I mean many parents don’t bother to get interested about some of the things their kids do in their free time (like videogames or instagram or whatever) because it’s not something they’re familiar with or they think it’s childish/boring/stupid, which leaves children/teens alone to deal with everything that comes with it.
Anyway, I’m in my early forties and I love getting older. I feel like I’m constantly growing up and getting happier every year about who I am. Every year feels like a victory too. ‘Look! I’m still there! How awesome is that?!’ Looking forward to reaching 50!
‘You know who sucks when they hit 49 and 50? People who sucked when they were 20 and never grew up.’ So true. Getting older is inevitable and not something you have any say in. Growing up is a conscious effort, sometimes painful and difficult, but so worth it.
I”m forty-six. And hell yes to the best part of my life is the last ten years. Minus geographical location (oh, Texas, your lone star is your rating, dear, in case you didn’t know). Still, it’s so much better now than it was twenty years ago for me. I’ll take the fact that my right shoulder and hand hurt today in exchange for not having assholes in my life so much. Because this right here?
“The best part of getting older, by several thousand light years, is the part where we figure out how to stop putting up with other people’s bullshit, and we contract our social circle until it’s only populated with a VERY few people who deserve us.”
That. All of that.
Incidentally, my dad told me when I was young that he only wanted to live to be fifty, because he didn’t want to be old. He’s seventy-six now (and sadly battling cancer), but he has had a great last two decades. He sure changed his mind. I wonder, perhaps, if this is part of why?
Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Oh you 50 year old kids! I hit that milepost at the turn’o’the’millenium. My circle of friends is from teens thru MY elders. I’m close friends with my kids… they range from 31 to 39. I look at some Old Pharts in my age bracket and can only say “really???” at their attitudes. So, Well Done on hitting 50. Well done on being the great Dad you’ve become. Well done on knowing that while the flesh may be week (oh, you arm joints…why hast thou abandoned me?) the soul is still rocking. Well done on being you.
I am going thru stage 5 kidney disease at 62, yet not feeling the effects of it yet for some strange reason. I still feel (in my brain) the way I felt when I was younger. I work at a community college gym and meet the gamut of young to older. I hope to keep feeling this way til the end, whenever that may be. May you have the best birthday ever, Wil! Be true to your inner being😀❤️
59 and I swear I’m still at least 20 years younger. No one feels their age, deep inside. We’re all still young adults, trying to figure out life, even if we’re 90. Happy Birthday!!
Love your thoughts! Thank you for the insights. You’re a few years older than me so I thought Wesley Crusher was the man and I wanted to join starfleet as a kid for sure. Thank you for pushing through all your crappy times, appreciate you!
At 49, I literally changed my life, walking away from a marriage that looked good from the outside, but not the inside. I’m now just shy of sixty, in a much better relationship, with a young son I never thought I would have, who lights up my life and embraces most of my nerdiness. Who also tells me, by the way, that I am not old yet. “You have a few months to go, Dad.”
I’m 64 and still cool AF. But I’ve decided I don’t want to live past the age of 84 because my egg donor is an asshole.
Wil, I put your book on my hold list at the local library and FINALLY my turn came (it’s very popular!). Wow. I read three chapters immediately, despite being exhausted. I’ve been reading your blog since 2003 (and when I discovered it, I went back to the earliest posts and read through to catch up) and reading the book takes me back there, then, whatever. The reflective commentary, the looping back in time, is so thoughtful. I remember being worried about you around 2005-2008, and I’m looking forward to reading your comments about that period in your life. I’m 66, for what it’s worth, and I wish I had a similar journal to reflect upon, but hey! I can start now and reflect back in 16 years, right? This book is inspiring. Thank you!
This is one of the best things I have ever read. Thank you for sharing your realization. I hope you have an entirely phenomenal birthday!
Happy birthday Wil. May this year be full of blessing and happiness for you.
Happy birthday, Wil!
I am not sure how you do it but you pretty consistently talk about the thing that I need talked about when I need it. Good job, internet dad. And thanks for accepting me for who I am.