I have over 1000 hours in NHL 22. I’ve been playing Create A Pro for three years, guiding Blaine Gretzky to the top of every record possible in the Mirror Universe NHL. He will retire with the Kraken as the greatest player of all time.
But to get there, I have to play another three or four hundred games, and Blaine Gretzky is so OP now, the games aren’t all that challenging. I’ve also become VERY aware of the bugs they never squashed. While it is tremendously satisfying competence porn, it’s become a bit rote.
So I got myself NHL 25, which gets reasonably good reviews (correcting for typical EA Sports fuckery).
Holy shit it’s so much harder to play a rookie who is constantly getting knocked down and running out of gas after 30 seconds than it is playing a veteran who scores essentially whenever he shoots the puck. And since it’s been like 930 hours since I played this game as a rookie, I have had to learn all over again how to actually play the game, rather than just running over it because I’m so OP.
Which brings me to my current pro’s rookie season. His name is Johnny Marlowe. He wears number 13. He is named after my beloved dog, and is a tribute to Johnny Hockey (may his memory be a blessing).
After a disastrous 1-7 start to the season (can we talk about the goals the computer scores against itself when I’m on the bench? And how it tends to give itself 4 goal leads that way?), things finally started to turn around and we got the team’s record up to 3-9-2 and the coach challenged Marlowe to win 2 of the next 3 games.
No problem. I’m getting the hang of the flow and demands of the game, Marlowe is getting better, and 2 of 3 seems really doable, especially since I just unlocked his first zone ability.
Game 1 is against the division rival Washington Capitals (Marlowe plays for Carolina). Marlowe scored TWO goals in the first period, before getting boarded in the second, injured, and removed from the game … which Carolina goes on to lose, after Johnny Marlowe gave them a 2 goal lead in the first.
But not to worry! He’s not on the IR, and is ready to play in the second game, against Pittsburgh. We gotta win two in a row, boys! We can do it!
Johnny Marlowe is injured and removed form the game after an open ice hit on his first shift.
And I’m like … what the fuck, NHL 25? Give me a challenge, and then ensure I can’t complete it? Are you serious?
So I reached deep into my MEMEory to mark the occasion the only way I know how:
I posted this on Facebook, where about 500,000 accounts follow me, many of them actual human beings! After several hours, there were under 200 interactions, which honestly exceeded my expectations.
And it reminded me of this philosophy I have embraced since I heard Joel Hodgson say it in the 90s: “We don’t ask ourselves ‘who is going to get this?’; we remind ourselves “the right people are going to get this.”
And real quick, before I start my Sunday: if you recognize this old meme, and especially if you’re fondly remembering the rageface comics you made in college … it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.
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If you’ve come all the way here, you’re probably someone who would feel at home in my tiny Discord: https://discord.gg/RVR6UWUX
btw, this would probably be a good place to mention it is adults only. would save a kid from a few tears. /nm
I absolutely love that Discord space – such wonderfully encouraging people there. Oh, and that quote “the right people are going to get this.” – I keep a screenshot of it in my phone and refer to it often. Beth Pickens has a similar phrase she uses about “finding your bozos.”
Thanks for these little snapshots into your life, Wil. I always enjoy them.
I actually got my colonoscopy done earlier this year! ;0p
I had a roommate in San Diego who played you in hockey back in the day. (I was stationed there/lived there 86-95.
I had the pleasure of seeing the LA Kings once with Wayne Gretzky!
Now, you have me trying to remember what years were the Blues holding their training camp in Regina, and did they play the Oilers during any of those years?
This may seem somewhat simplistic–BUT–who is the guy in the picture?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scumbag_Steve#:~:text=Blake%20Boston%2C%20commonly%20known%20as,with%20a%20fake%20fur%20collar.
Since this meme dates back to the glory days of Know Your Meme dot com, you can search the site for “scumbag” and find a wealth of information about this notorious young man.
I don’t get any of the hockey stuff, but I totally got the Scumbag reference.
Thank you so much for posting this . Very nice writing . And it reminded me of the days when my brother was still thinking about playing Ice Hockey .
Wil- I was too poor/ broke to have access to video games back in what seem to be the glory days. Also, as a girl, it was a mild sexual assault guaranteed if I tried to sit on the couch with gamer boys of my acquaintance. THE 1980s were different.
I find myself reading thes posts like a rich woman who was once hungry. Why did I not just order from the same menu? Oh, right. I didn’t slave the opportunity. ( note to other readers. I am not making aquezations again you, your friends specifically, or Wil. I am being reminded of my personal experiences.)
I like reading about games and gaming culture. I may dip my toes back in. I may not. I have no manifesto. There is nothing to see here, move along. Times were hard for so many of us, and all the light you shed brightens the page for every reader of every story.
I’ll be having my second colonoscopy sometime early next year because they found a single non cancerous polop three years back.
Take this shit seriously people🤣