I want to take a moment and say thank you for all the messages of comfort and support that so many of y’all have shared with me since Marlowe passed. I haven’t ever felt this kind of grief, for this long, in my life. When I am feeling the most sad, when I’m sobbing until I can’t breathe, I feel closest to her, so all I can do is go through it, honor it, and embrace her memory.
There’s a dog on Instagram called Wesley the Chicken Nugget. I adore him, and I love it when his person shares photos and video of him being a dog, so I completely understand how we can love animals we’ve never met. I know that lots of you loved Marlowe, and that comforts me every day.
So thank you, from Anne and me, for choosing to be kind.
I had to take a couple weeks off from recording stories for It’s Storytime (I’ve come to believe that four or five weeks of bereavement leave isn’t unreasonable) but we’re back to work and there’s a new story this week that I wanted everyone to know about.
It’s called To Carry You Inside You, by Tia Tashiro. Here’s my intro:
I grew up in the entertainment industry, not by choice, so I had a front row seat to the abuse and exploitation of child actors like myself. I grew up absolutely terrified of upsetting anyone on the set, robotically doing whatever I was told, so I could just get through it and have one of the precious and rare hours of my childhood where I got to just be a kid, before I was ripped out of childhood and thrust back into a place I never wanted to be.
Today, we are going to visit a future where child actors are still exploited, still used up and discarded, facing an adult life without purpose, that they were never prepared for, because nobody cared what happened to them past an arbitrary age.
We will meet a young woman who is doing her best to assemble the pieces of a stolen childhood into a fulfilling adult life. It isn’t what she wanted, or would have chosen for herself, but she’s doing her best, which is all any of us can do.
This is one of those examples of speculative fiction that I point to when I talk about the power of storytelling that lands on different people for different reasons. This story isn’t about me, but holy shit is it about me. In fact, when I reached out to Tia and asked for permission to do the narration, I mentioned that she captured the experience of being a child actor so perfectly and honestly, she must have some firsthand experience … imagine my surprise when she told me that she didn’t, that she used her imagination to create those moments.
Holy shit. That’s incredible. Please let me know what you think, if you listen.
Anyway, I’m doing my best to promote the show and just let people know it exists, but I keep getting crushed by the algorithm. On Threads, the posts before and after I talked about the podcast have thousands of views and hundreds of interactions, but my post about this episode has like 20 interactions and has only been seen by about 2000 of the 5000000 accounts that follow me. That seems … odd. And honestly, it’s kind demoralizing that one of the few direct ways I have to tell people this exists seems to work against supporting that. I’ve tried letting Bluesky know, and the 13 people who tend to notice me there are excited about it, I’m sure, but it just doesn’t seem to get traction there at all. If anyone reading this has experience bringing something to an audience who will probably love it, but just don’t know about it, I’d be grateful to hear anything you have to say about it.
Last thing, that is explicitly in service of promotion: If you listen to the podcast, you can help me out by rating and reviewing it wherever you are subscribed. The show’s audience is growing slowly but steadily, and I know it isn’t because of me; it’s because listeners are recommending it. That means so much to me. Thank you.
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It’s interesting that none of what happens to us as children is ever by choice. Be it becoming a child actor on set instead of doing kid stuff, or taking that vacation to the lake and getting to drive the boat while mom and dad fished off the back of the boat with a rod in one hand and a beer in the other. Even the kid stuff, looking back at it now, was not by choice; we just run around on a sort of autopilot, without enough brain power to make good conscious decisions about our actions.
I don’t know what made me think about this after so many years of reading your posts. I guess this thought makes me feel like your childhood was worse that I thought before, now knowing that your parents opted to make those bad choices for you, not as opposed to making no choices at all, but as opposed to making great choices. The default behavior of a parent should be to make good choices, and making no choices is bad enough; making poor choices is two steps from what should be normal.
I guess I’m saying that plain old neglect might have been better, and that’s sad.
I loved driving the boat when my parents wanted to go for a ride and pretend to fish. I’m sorry you may not have had that sort of moment. And I’m sorry about Marlowe; I too have a pup who is a member of the family, and losing family sucks.
A couple of years ago, we lost our black lab, named Killer. She was the first dog that I had ever called my own, and my (future) husband and I had chosen her, along with my 5 year old, when we first moved in together, in 2010. She was 14, old and gray, and per King of the Hill, full of green dust. She was ready to go before we were ready to let her go, and I know we waited too long, but we said goodbye in September of 2024.
Soon after, my husband found a reel of a black lab named Olive, and the reel was named Olive Chomps. Not only does Olive look just like my sweet Killer, she also likes to walk around and clack her biters together and chomp-a chomp-a at the air. Oh, she makes my heart sing and she makes my heart cry.
When I am especially missing Killer, I like to pull up a reel of Olive, and watch a couple few. Then I snuggle my 3 year old pit Violet – Violet Beauregarde when she’s naughty- and tell her a story about her sister Killer who she never met, but who would have been her best friend, too.
Love to you and Anne, Wil.
I’m so so sorry about Marlowe. I sent condolences on threads but I realize of course it was lost in the washing machine of comments like a lone sock.
I’m a terrible no good friend that I didn’t acknowledge Marlowe when I was sending you emails about other things.
She was the best girl and there will never be another girl quite like her.
I’m so sorry about Marlowe – we love our fur children to distraction and mourn them the same way. Hugs. The new story was amazing – listened last night – love your pod – you do Levar proud
Wil, have read The Golden Globe by John Varley? Great scifi, and also (at least to a degree) relevant to your experience as a kid in show business.
I miss Marlow Mondays. Best wishes to you and Anne.
Oh wow, that IS a great recommendation! SUCH a great book in general, but yeah… it would probably hit a little different for Wil.
Over on the Bloggess’s blog she’s been going through a very similar grief, having lost two of her cats in one week. Yet another of her great insights she laid on us is that “grief is love that has nowhere to go”. WORD.
Wil, I’m so sorry for your loss and the pain it brings, and wish you strength and love.
Your Pal,
Storm the Klingon
I will always write something compassionate in your time of need. And if it doesn’t get through your site’s algorithm, I’ll leave my words on Bluesky.
Equally upsetting to your girl’s passing was the pain you were suffering. You’ve already been through so much and though our beloved furry and otherwise children inevitably leave us, it really seemed so unfair. So many of us love you; I love you and not just because we’re in that club no one wants to be a member of. It’s because you’re such a stellar human despite it all.
I have shared this on Spoutible, in case anyone sees it there.
Our condolences on your loss! I understand your loss. I have lost a couple of dogs (really family members) in my lifetime. They are still in my heart and sometimes memories with them bring back wonderful joyous feelings!
I’m sorry about your losing Marlowe. I’ve had–and lost–both dogs and cats–so I think I have some small idea of what you and Anne are going through right now.
I know it’s early to be thinking about something like this–BUT–have the two of you considered getting another rescue dog? There’s an old saying that the only “cure” for losing a dog is to get another dog. Mind you, it won’t erase your loss–but I can’t help thinking that it would help to ease the pain, and help the two of you to move forward–in effect, to honor Marlowe’s memory. Talk to a counselor or therapist, if you have one, and see what they say. Then, talk to someone at the rescue shelter where you found Marlowe, and get counsel from them too. Then make your decision, and let us all know what you decide. Either way, take care!
The grief and pain of losing a companion like Marlowe is real. It sticks with you for a long time but we can be grateful and our hearts filled with all the wonderful times we’ve had. It’s been five years since my Sir Chocolate Licks a Lot passed from lymphoma and I think of and miss him daily. I’m blessed with the many hundreds of people that also loved him and their love for him also fills my heart.i hope you got my message about my experience with canine lymphoma that I sent when you told us.
I truly miss Marlowe Monday, like thousands of your other followers.
God bless you always and TY for your wonderful blog.
Pam
Hi everyone, could someone share the Threads link with me? I don’t use that platform and I’m not familiar with it, but I can sign up and learn quickly (I only know that hashtags are used). It would be great if everyone did the same! Together we can make the algorithm change.
We can also join groups for listeners and book readers to share the link there.
(I’ll have to use Gemini like I did here—I don’t understand the language, but I know I can do it).
Could you help me out, please?
PS: Wil, when I get a new puppy, I’m going to name her Marlowe in her honor. Even though I’m new to the blog, I’ve already read all about her life and seen her photos—from when she was just a mischievous little puppy to when you and Anne rescued and adopted her.
Take your time; we love you and we will wait for you as long as you need.
A tender hug, we are with you.
Pet family is family and loss is loss. It is a significant part of humanity to grieve for a pet and I’m very sorry that you both have to go through this.
Please take care.
Sadly the algorithm isn’t actually a true algorithm. It’s manipulated to suit the platform owners and also their puppet master, FOTUS. As long as people continue to speak up and speak the truth about the atrocities we’ve all been enduring for the last year and a half, they will try harder to squash the truth tellers.
Don’t let them get you down, Wil. You’re a good human and saying the right things.
Keep fighting the good fight and help raise the tide.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your beloved fur baby. I’m still mourning the loss of both of mine. 2 years and 13 years ago. It doesn’t get easier, it just changes a bit. Grief is the hole in our hearts left when someone we love isn’t here anymore to fill it. Just remember the good times you had together. She remembers them, too. You’ll see her again.
Oh, Wil, I’m so sorry. It’s been just over a year since I lost Arwen, my beautiful companion of 13 years. The grief can be overwhelming.
First off, you’re right, pet grief is it’s own special thing. They just… love you, y’know? They may have any number of things about them that are humorously irritating (or just plain irritating) but they don’t betray like people do. They’re not complicated like that. They’re honest in a way people have a hard time with. I felt your essay on Marlowe. Thank you for sharing.
Second, have you ever considered Patreon? It sounds like creators over there are actually having a good time with their short films, and I know it’s really easy to keep up with the people I follow. You don’t even have to monetize it if you don’t want to (I think). Ze Frank just has multiple “pay what you want and can afford” tiers starting at a buck. It’s pretty good at promotion though, so just something to consider.
So sorry for your loss. Loved reading this!
Hi Wil, there are some issues with viewing comments and sending messages. Your blog is only showing your posts; trying to log in the traditional way results in an IP block. The only way to comment is by going through the wordpress.com/reader user profile and using the preview mode or redirecting to your blog from there.
I’ve already tried all the login commands via the URL bar, incognito windows, clearing cache and cookies, and even changing my IP, but nothing works to stay permanently logged in. I think you might have already accepted me because I’ve posted three times, although my message on the last post (4/30) hasn’t appeared yet. I’m really not sure what’s happening, unless you have comments blocked for everyone until they are reviewed. I’ve tried both Edge and Chrome.
Could you please look into it? Maybe other people are having the same problem.
Thanks! 🙂 and have a wonderful day.
Oh! And thank you for liking my comment on Patreon; it made me very happy. I’m registered there with my Google email.
I used Gemini for this translation; sorry if there are any mistakes.
Marlowe was family. Some people don’t understand that. I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending you every wish for your peace and comfort.
Hey Wil, first of all, been thinking about you and your loss. Second, I commented a while back that these intros were not showing up on Apple podcasts. You said you would get that corrected, but they’re still not showing up. I’d share a screenshot to show you, but can’t do that in comments. I think you’d get a lot more listeners if people could read the intros for each episode.
So sorry for the loss of Marlowe. Recently lost a family pet and it’s never easy. Your podcast is such a wonderful momentary escape from the world and even from grief, so thank you for that. Doing whatever I can to let people know about the podcast because we all need this! It’s been banger after banger lately too – “To Carry You Inside You” is my favorite episode of the podcast so far and last weeks “Bird-Girl Builds a Machine” is my second favorite. I love getting introduced to these amazing authors I didn’t know about. Keep fighting the good fight Wil!
I’m sorry to hear about Marlowe. We’ve been there too many times. Just last week, in fact.
Take as much time as you need to grieve. In my opinion, it’s just a hard to lose a beloved pet as a beloved human. It’s just not socially acceptable to say so in public.
Wow….. just… wow. If you’ve lived that “I’m nothing but what will gain me acceptance… even if just for a moment” half-life, this cuts directly to the undefendably fragile centre of yourself you’ve done desperate things to protect. Useless things you’ve done to protect, because you ended up mortally wounded every single time until you finally overcame the false indoctrination of self-preservation being unforgiveably selfish. It is OK to want to be the reason for your own existence – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Their own emotional poison makes them lie, to both you and themselves. IT IS OK TO BE EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE. Accept yourself and prosper.
Thank you for the work you put into the world. When my dog Moon died, I was almost as gutted as when my dad Muff died. I’ve listened to your work to cope with both losses.
Science said losing a dog can be more difficult than losing a parent because of the loss of day to day touch stones. I think it’s sort of right. I suppose it depends on how much we talk to our parents.
Give Leah a hug for me next time you see her. She’s a real one. ❤️🔥