A couple weeks ago, I got fed up with my body feeling sore all the time because I’m not taking better care of it.
I mean, I eat well, I haven’t touched alcohol in almost 11 years, and I take pretty decent walks every day. But my muscle mass still hasn’t recovered from the seizure I had a couple years ago, no matter how regularly I lift weights and do moderate exercise. It’s demoralizing for me, as someone who was relentlessly bullied by my father for being skinny, picked on my kids at school for being uncoordinated, who always felt like he wasn’t enough.
If anyone is wondering how badly mistreating a child affects them, wondering how long the pain and the fear and the confusion and the sadness lasts, how it all persists regardless of how much success you have in your life, I’m almost 54. So.
Anyway. I woke up about two weeks ago, and everything hurt: my hips, my shoulders, the spot in my upper back where one of my vertebrae rotated during my seizure and stayed that way for five months. And just to spice things up, a raging headache.
I was, like, “hey, good thing I quit drinking so I never woke up feeling hungover again.”
I’m big on gallows humor.
When I get that physical pain, which isn’t clinically chronic pain, but is practically the same for me, it’s depressing. It’s infuriating. It makes me want to scream. I’m impatient, I’m irritable, and I do not like the person I am.
I dragged myself out of bed, counted that as a victory, and started my day. Coffee, granola, another coffee, my fiber because I’m punk as fuck, a long and considered moment in front of the Chemex as I talk myself out of the third coffee I know will be Officially Too Much Coffee For Wil.
While I was not having too much coffee (water, instead, because I’m a goddamn adult), I began looking at couch to 5K plans. I last did that in 2017 (my best time was 29:59) and I loved it. It really helped when I was living my life as a sober person for the first time, losing the bloat and unhealthy bleh that years of abuse had inflicted upon my body. It was pretty great, watching my body shed not just pounds but a lot of trauma and self-harm as I got stronger and felt more and more like I wasn’t a worthless piece of shit (I was never a worthless piece of shit, to be clear; Depression Lies and trauma is a bitch). When I finally did my race, and I pushed myself like hell for the last few hundred meters to get under 30 minutes, I felt like a warrior. Like, Worf would have been so massively proud of me.
I felt so good, so solid and present in my life, that it was absolutely devastating when I hurt myself one day (hurt my Old, if I’m being technical about it) while I was out, and had to limp home. It was, like, step, step, step, PAIN. My calf cramped up, and before I knew it, it ran up my hamstring and down into the bottom of my foot. I still don’t know how it happened, but I can remember what happened next. This was a over a year before I did weekly EMDR and CPTSD recovery work, so I had not yet handled my lingering anger … and I was fucking enraged. I was so furious that this thing I love, this thing that was helping me reclaim my body and my spirit from literal decades of pain and abuse and motherfucking functional alcoholism was stolen from me, literally yanked out from underneath my feet, while I was in the middle doing it. I didn’t do anything wrong, I thought, and I still got hurt. Jesus fuck, could that be more on the nose?
The incandescent anger I felt, the sense of being betrayed by my own body, the futility of doing anything because some fucking bullshit always fucks it up anyway and it’s never going to get any better … that was a lot.
But I didn’t give up right away. I did my best to work out the injury with massage and other forms of exercise. I just couldn’t get whatever I had injured to tell me what it needed, and neither could the doctors I saw about it. Eventually, I just resigned myself to never running again.
Then my friend, Jenna, who is just two years younger than me, started running marathons. I have lost count but I think it’s got to be close to 50 now? At first, I was envious, then I was inspired, but I was always afraid to take the risk and start again. Sure, it had been a couple years since I hurt myself, and I had done a massive amount of recovery and healing work. I worked on how angry I felt when I confronted my trauma, until I didn’t feel angry anymore. I reparented myself, and lived every day making a conscious effort to be the adult I always needed.
Yadda yadda yadda I got better. I am better. I still have bad days (this year has been so hard, with so much loss and grief), and I get through them. I have good days, even great days, and I don’t take them for granted.
So when I woke up a couple weeks ago and my everything hurt, and I went through my morning routine, I made a promise to myself to get serious about regular, moderate exercise. The big hurdle for me was feeling like I am worth it. After all these years, after all the therapy and all the work, I still struggle to put myself first, to take really good care of myself because there are people who love me who will be really sad if I don’t. (I’m working on being one of those people, but it’s still a struggle more often than it should be.)
I looked at half a dozen plans, and saw the things they all had in common. I deliberately chose the easiest, slowest, you-haven’t-done-shit-in-years plan, set the intervals in my watch, walked out the door, and got started.
My first week of training was so fun! I started out doing 30 seconds of jogging and a minute of walking, for 20 minutes. The first day was easy and fun. The second day, the first half block felt like I was running through molasses before I broke free and settled in. I discovered that Keep Me Fed, by The Warning, was a fantastic companion album for my session. The rest of the week was an absolute joy. I felt accomplished and excited.
I was out for my first run in week two, doing 60 seconds of jogging and 90 walking, almost finished with my penultimate interval. I turned down my street. Step, step, step, PAIN. The exact same thing that happened before.
Are you fucking kidding me? What the actual fuck, Wil’s Body?
I stopped. I breathed. I grabbed a nearby pole and gently stretched my calves and hamstrings. I massaged my leg. Nothing worked. I limped home.
I was so incredibly disappointed, so bummed out, but I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t enraged. I wasn’t mad at myself or the incredible unfairness of this bullshit, all over again. I just limped home, took off my shoes, used the foam roller, and then I sat down and cried.
I cried because I miss Marlowe.
I cried because my body hurt.
I cried because it’s so unfair to do everything right and still my dad doesn’t love me.
I cried because I’m just so totally exhausted by the cruelty and the violence that could have been avoided.
I just cried and cried, as all this grief poured out of me.
None of it made my leg get better, but it was cathartic. And I was grateful for it, because choosing to experience grief instead of avoiding it with anger was a big time goal, something I worked really hard to accomplish.
When I was done, my body still hurt, but my emotional self felt okay. Sure, I was disappointed, but I didn’t get mad about something that wasn’t going to change because I was mad. I spared myself from that experience, and I’m proud of myself for doing it.
I accepted that I wasn’t going to be able to run for at least a week. I took long walks instead, occasionally stopping to do some squats for strength and mobility. I did gentle exercises inside at home, not because I wanted to experience a change in my appearance, but because I felt better, emotionally as well as physically, when I was done. I invested maybe half an hour a day, and it paid off at like 5:1.
Today, I woke up (saw, again, that it still hasn’t happened), ate my breakfast, and asked my body how it was doing. Every department checked in with a green flag, except for my injured leg, which was like “I’m about 96% there, I think.” So I decided to attempt a very gentle rehab walk/jog, just once around the block.
I started Recipe For Hate, walked to warm up, and then did little intervals — very gently — around the block. One lap in, it was a little achy, but didn’t feel like it was going to cramp up again. So I went for another lap, then another, then another. I ended up doing about 20 minutes, just jogging and walking when it felt right.
And when I got home, I felt like a champion. I felt like I’d done something good for my body that I have to live in, and for the me that lives in it.
I have to go back to the beginning, I think, but that’s fine. I don’t have a race on my calendar, and this isn’t a contest or anything. It’s something more special and meaningful to me than that, and I’m really proud of myself for having the ability to understand and embrace that.
I’m worth it. You’re worth it. Whatever your Couch to 5K is, I know you can do it. I believe in me, and I believe in you.
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“The big hurdle for me was feeling like I am worth it.” Oof. That hit a bullseye on me that I didn’t know was there. I have some mental work to do on me. Will, thank you for saying that, and sharing all this. I hope you have an inkling of how much your work helps others. Shine ona
You are enough and you deserve joy. You are absolutely worthy.
I have a workout routine on my phone call “FU Body”. As an older person, I’m using it more and more. It’s a kind of yoga based routine which stretches and goes easy on the joints while slowly pushing a little strength and mobility. I wish I could still run (I can, a little, sometimes, just not very much). I love your story and it’s awesome to be reminded that waking up and knowing I will have to do my FU exercise today isn’t the end of the journey. It’s just who I am in that moment – not who I am.
An account I listen to has that abbreviation used in its Chat forum, and it means “For You”. Puts a different spin on those letters, doesn’t it?
You’re stretching properly before your exercise? And you’ve got fitted for decent running shoes, as opposed to whatever sneakers you have lying around? Because gait and weight and stuff are things people tend not to think about. When I took up running, I ended up learning new words, like “pronation”, which it turns out has nothing to do with nationstates.net from back in the day…
But I feel you. I only took up running in 2016. Couch to 5k. Weekly parkruns. Then a 5-mile race. Then a 10k. Got to a sub 30-minute 5k and a sub 60-minute 10k. Made it to doing two half-marathons in 2018! Then in 2019 my knees gave out and I stupidly listened to a doctor who told me to give up running. Really bad for both my fitness and my mental health. Long story short, a specialist told me to go back out running, and I did, from last year, but progressed too fast, and couldn’t run for about a month after doing a 10-mile run last October. And it’s really hard to go out running in Irish weather in dark, cold, wet November.
Back at it now, aiming to get back to three runs a week, but taking it slower this time.
If it helps – Naomi Alderman just very recently bought back Six To Start, the company that she co-founded and that makes the wonderful “Zombies, Run!” running app – and it has a Couch to 5k app!
I can’t reply to all of your wonderful and thoughtful comments (so. much. reading.) but I hope you’ll all see this and know how grateful I am that you took the time to share your thoughts with me. I feel supported and seen, and that’s all because of your choice to be kind.
I hope you feel better soon, Wil! I’m 53, and I have injured myself repeatedly while trying to exercise, so I certainly empathize with what you’re feeling. Every time a new injury happens, I feel a mixture of self-pity for my bad luck and a reawakening of old emotional traumas, some of which have nothing to do with the injury in question. Coincidentally, I’m dealing with foot pain and calf/hip issues that may be similar to yours, so yeah, I definitely felt supported and seen by you when I read this blog post of yours, and you don’t even know me, LOL. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for your honesty and vulnerability in writing about your fitness travails here. It matters more than you know. Keep working every day to heal and strengthen your body. It’s worth it. Take care.
💓
Dear Wil, you are always, always seen by us. You are not invisible. We love you for the person you are; we love you, the real Wil, the human being. We see you, we feel you, and the vast majority of us go through situations very similar to yours. That is why we choose to look out for you, just as you look out for us without even realizing it. Your words matter, your pain matters. We see ourselves reflected in you, and we want you to feel the love we have to give you—a pure and selfless love.
Don’t think about the people who hurt you anymore. Think about us, the ones who stand by you in your pain, the ones who understand you, so that day by day you can feel a little bit better.
Of course, your work is incredibly important and we love it!! But being part of your support network, even if you don’t know us, is an incomparable honor, a privilege that few get to have.
Many of us have kept our pain silent our entire lives, and you managed to put an end to that. Wil, don’t you realize that when you have your dark days, you are surrounded by so many people? And I can assure you, only a few of us actually dare to speak to you, but your message reaches thousands: “I’m not okay, but I’m fighting for myself, and I want you to do the same.” That takes a bravery and a courage that, truly, we all wish we had.
I will never have enough words to thank you for everything you do for us. We love you, Wil, we really do. And on your dark days, please remember this: just because you can’t see us, it doesn’t mean we aren’t right there with you, from the very bottom of our hearts.
I just started my first Couch to 5K last week for similar reasons. Your story resonated so much.
This came at just the right time. Thank you!
I started rehab following an out-of-the-blue bypass surgery in January (I’m only 48). Since the “official rehab” didn’t start until the end of March, I followed the rehab instructions from the surgical PT team and they are brutal. Rolling your shoulders, doing leg lifts, ankle rolls and squats four times a day! Breathing exercises ten times an hour! What masochists!
I also had to go for three walks of increasing length each day until I got to 30 minutes (the first week was barely making it around the house for 5 minutes, but I have my tunes). By the time I was released to begin actual cardiac rehab, I was walking 1.5 miles twice daily, effectively a 5K walk, so I foolishly signed myself and my kiddo up for a 5K walk/run in September. I’m doing the rehab workouts three times/week for an hour and laying on the couch the other days of the week (because old habits die hard) and pushing myself to go for a walk or two every week. I know I can keep going because I made it this far, but I wish to return to the muck and I gaze at my couch with such longing….
My kiddo struggles with anxiety but finds it fun to run with the dog while I walk. But getting them to leave the house is hard. I hope that summer and a move to a new house, will encourage us to get outside. We have reasons to do it, proof that moving makes us feel better, but inertia…. is so irresistible.
There are days when the grief catches up with me in a way that makes my whole world collapse. It is often after a run or a good workout. Sometimes it’s at the grocery store. I usually come home and sit, watch Harry Potter or Stand by me ;).
Wil, know that you’re focused on running but you might want to look at the “Power Of 10 Fitness Book” by Adam Zickerman (see power-of-ten.com).
The tl;dr is that, for each exercise, you do 6 repetitions in exactly 2 minutes. If you are able to do even 1 more rep after that, it means that next time you need to increase the weight. Power of 10 is all about control. Not speed, not reps, not dropping the barbell on the floor.
Even better, you only have to workout once a week. Recovery time is just as important as exercising.
Best wishes no matter what you choose.
You might want to check your technique. We all think there is nothing to running, and maybe that was true when we were younger. I managed to hurt my calf and I’m pretty sure it was from overstriding. Fortunately there are lots of vids out there on how to run without killing your legs. I’m 59.9, so I have to pay attention to that stuff (and yes, I’ve scheduled my damn colonoscopy thank you very much). Anyway, good luck and remember that we love you!
Dani winks sciatic nerve glide – look it up! I started roller skating in December and joined roller derby in February, I had an injury around Easter very similar to what you describe. Basically your sciatic nerve can mess with your hamstring and cause shooting pain down your leg that does not get better with rest (which was really doing my head in). The sciatic nerve glide exercises can be done twice a day and I got better. Take care.
I like running with The Warning so much, I made a playlist for it. I try to make my footfalls match the tempo (but some are a little fast).
It irritates me so much that exercise is as helpful for my longstanding anxiety as my previous doctor told me it would be. Not a cure, no, but good in the moment.
I was an athlete when I was younger, a competitive distance runner from 4th grade through college. I am now 39 and disabled to the point I can’t manage a walk around the block without debilitating pain. It’s remarkably humbling and difficult to have to relearn who you are when something you used to evaluate your worth is taken from you. My therapist and I are still looking for my new C25K, but I’m happy to know that you found yours. You deserve it
I really wish I was well enough to recover from this pain. Can’t walk, can’t even use my arms. I’m barely 30 and I’m looking at a downhill slope since it’s disease and not injury.
I don’t really say this to be a downer, though I realize it’s partially catharsis. I also say it to tell others to cherish what you have. Be thankful your limbs don’t burn from the act of eating. Be thankful you can walk without passing out. Be thankful you can recover, can still do things, can be independent.
Taking some extra time in the day to be thankful for what you have, no matter how small, helps. I can still eat solid foods for now. I can still use my eyes to watch movies. I still have a voice I can use to talk. I can still enjoy a cold glass of lemonade. I still have a life where I can look forward to something in the near future. My cat is warm and soft and she’s purring next to me.
I’m here. And you are too. Every moment we’re alive is one more we were never promised.
Ha. I’m 55, and have run 9 marathons (9th was last year). Nowadays? I’m lucky if I can do 3x 3mi in a week.
But okay, progress not perfection.
I think that’s a long-winded way of saying, “right with you, brother”.
The Warning are wonderful, I found them just a year ago and used the newfound joy to get myself out of burnout and depression. I’m seeing them in New York in two weeks!
I loved reading your essay, thank you for sharing it. I had a low day today about my body, my finances, physical pains, mental pains, emotional pains….reading this was a bright spot.
This one made me cry. Thank you for sharing this.
And thank you for still talking about how much you miss your furry companion. Most people don’t talk about it.. Or stop talking about it after a few weeks. I still miss my cats every single day.
The love of a good cat is every bit as meaningful as the love between a child and its parent, but that’s something people don’t talk about, due to the unfortunate cat lady stereotype.
My cat was never a substitute for a human child. She was exactly the child I always wanted, not a stand-in for something I couldn’t have. My husband and I will always miss her, just as you’ll always miss yours.
Bless all the kitties in heaven.
Keep at it, so glad it’s getting better.
I did triathlons before the lockdown, coming out of it I developed stage 3hypertension, a hernia and diabetes and now have trouble walking.
It feels like the ultimate betrayal when your body just gives up on something.
“choosing to experience grief instead of avoiding it with anger” … I feel that!! As someone who now lives with CRPS, crutches & chronic pain, someone said something one day that clicked with me & I finally began to accept my “new normal” instead of fighting it. The anger about it & energy spent fighting it had only been wearing me down & making the pain that much worse. Getting to a point of acceptance, of letting myself grieve the loss instead of fighting, helped.
i read every word
Thank yoh for writing them and more for feeling them . i’ve been a healing arts practioner for 40 years and know the work and committee t it takes to comitt oneself to that process . . It’s been a privilege to share in your authentic healing journey .I hope you know what an encouragement and inspiration it is for so many . Thank you for doing this for yourself and for all of us .
I started running about a year ago (I will turn 44 in July). Really just because I joined the gym together with my youngest son because he was struggling with depression and the therapist said some kind of bodily workout would be good for him (he’s fine now, thanks to a great therapist and the work he put into understanding himself and his needs and the knowledge that he is worth it.).
My son since quit the gym but I kind of liked it, especially the warm-up on the running thingy. So when my oldest son challenged me to go running with him I just said “Sure.” Let me tell you, that a 25 year gap is unfair when it comes to that kind of thing.
However, it was fun and I stuck with it. Did my runs, build up strenght and stamina and whatnot and about 6 weeks ago – after like 9 months of doing this shit – right after a run my knee just said: “You know what – no.”
I was so mad, amongst other reasons because I want to do a 10K run with my eldest in September and I was like “If I really hurt myself that will not happen.” and I was an inch away from running again the next day because I wanted to and how could my body not let me!?
I instead did the adult thing: For almost 4 weeks now, I only did slow and comparatively short runs, no speed stuff, nothing that hurts. I’m still not quite there but the knee is getting better and I hope – I really HOPE – that we are good again.
All this to say: I feel you in about every way there is and I wish you all the best for all upcoming runs. May they be many and may you enjoy them!
Thank you for sharing this story, all parts of it. It certainly reminds me of my own battles with a betraying body :-\ Back in my early 30’s, I’d gotten into the best shape of my life. Eating healthy, exercising, including doing cardio 2-4 times a week, going on 4 mile walks, and finally, at one point, despite knowing how it used to physically hurt me as a child and teen, I decided to try jogging. 60 seconds in, one of my hips gave out. And through a years-long journey following that, I finally found out why it always hurt in my youth – congenital defects in my hips. 3 hip surgeries later with a permanent 5-10% disability and chronic pain, the struggle to stay fit without going so far that my body breaks again is real.
But I’m better than I was 5 years ago.
Keep going, and if you’re up for it, please continue to share your story! You got this 🙂
Oh, Wil. I’m so sorry things have been rough. I completely get it. I cried like a baby just last night over the fact that I have to move by July (and not the big move I wanted), I wrecked my car (and it got totaled and while I’m privileged enough that I just got a new one it is so, so much money and it’s super stressful), my job is uncertain, and, well, gestures at everything. I have recently started playing hockey in a very baby league. I guess what you’re saying is I should go ahead and go to the game tonight? Yeah, probably. I’m glad the leg is feeling better. I can’t run anymore due to plantar fasciitis that started when I ran a half marathon years ago. Every time I run, it comes back. My feet (and shoulder, and back) hurt most days still, but not like they did. But running? Nah. I wish you the best in it, though, and I’m glad things are doing better. Hang in there.
Thanks so much Wil.
It really means a lot hearing you talk about caring for your body and the emotional reaction to incapacity shifting from anger to grief release.
I needed that reminder.
I’m the same age as you with trauma and stuff, estranged living parent etc. so it really resonates.
My Couch to 5K is now an extremely long and drawn out 3rd relapse with ME/CFS (the illness no one believes in).
I did actually do couch to 5K twice, once after the first relapse and it was a HUGE win and prepared my body for having a baby (who’s turning 21 in August woohoo!🎉).
Then I ran it again when she was 9 months old to get fit enough to keep caring for her.
I’m not sure my body will ever be ok enough to run again after 5 bouts of Covid have me using various mobility aids, but I am gradually, very very slowly, beginning to be able to walk again.
I’m going to have a go at that attitude that it’s for me and for the ones who love me. That feels good.
Thanks again for making me feel seen.
#millionsmissing
Crying, cheering, holding up a sign that says “YOU GOT THIS, WIL” (and yes it has a comma on the sign because I am Like That)
Hooray for correct comma usage! I rarely see it anymore.
Thanks Wil, just maybe I can get off the couch today and start!!!
Thanks Wil, just maybe I can get off that couch today!
Welcome to life after 50. At 55, I walk vigorously 4 miles a day, 5 days a week, up and down moderate hills, usually with a dog in tow, but sometimes being towed by a dog. Some days I’m gliding and feel like I’m 20 again. Some days every step is agony and my knees are literally like “What the F are you doing to us?”
Still, no matter the pain, the end result is worth it, I feel better in my skin, it helps to exorcise the demons caused by things beyond my control (the aforementioned hate, cruelty, and utter stupidity of it all) and it gets me outside which is way better than sitting on my arse on the couch.
Keep it up. There doesn’t have to be a a goal beyond just getting out there and doing it. We’re all worth it. Unless you voted for you know who, in which case, beam yourself into space.
Will, your open and honest descriptions are an inspiration to me.
I’ve had a few 3-coffee days recently. I make a half-caf cold brew that lets me feel it’s OK to have so much every once in a while.
I finally started working out in March 2020 as a response to the pandemic and eventually developed pain from overuse. It is so frustrating to be doing something healthy and get pain from it. I stumbled upon a youtube channel (Senior Shape) that has been great for me. Don’t let the name fool you. There are some truly challenging videos, including with weights, but all with senior bodies in mind. I’m in the best shape of my life at almost 50 and definitely have built muscle.
Thank you. I needed these words of encouragement today.
Thanks a lot. You made me cry.
I did Couch-to-5k during 2020. It was my first time running since finishing my medical training, and it made me so happy. I was so proud of myself and I really, really love running.
In 2021 I did a few 5k warm-up runs in the spring and decided I could bump up to training for a 10k while also trying to change my form with Chi Running. I hurt my foot in an unexplainable way and I haven’t been able to run since. I gained 50lbs.
About 6 months ago, after getting lifechanging testing and treatment for sleep apnea, I started working with a strength trainer. I’m lifting heavy, more than I ever have in my life, and feeling like maybe with some focused, careful attention I might be able to get back to running.
So thanks for these honest, raw words. We don’t give ourselves enough credit or enough patience. Thanks for being gentle with yourself and modeling it for everyone else.
If you read The Sword of Shannara by Terry Brooks, you’ll find that the true power of the sword is truth, that the person that holds it must face the absolute truth about themselves. No lies, no rationalization, just truth.
I do that every time I look in a mirror and I know that have made mistakes and will make more of them, but also that I will do good things for people.
You provide great service to people, and I know that you know that, and I truly hope that one day you will believe that.
Proud of you for continuing the process. You could look at your shoes. Are they old? Do they have enough support? You would be surprised.
Hi Wil.
As a fellow Gen-Xer at 56, I can at least empathize with the struggle it is to maintain that muscle mass and the frustration of your body betraying you.
I know you’re probably getting way more advice than you need, and I would be the last to offer any guidance on running (I hate – HATE – running), but maybe try cycling? The lower impact and lack of jarring action has let me stay active in it longer than what my knees would indicate, and I would think it would be less harsh on whatever connective tissue or such that is giving you problems.
Hang in there.
I tried cycling about a decade ago. I enjoyed it, but it hurt my butt and wasn’t as satisfying as running ended up being. I may drag my bike out of storage, though, for some light cross training.
Thankyou for writing about these things. A year ago my knee gave out for no particular reason, and it hasn’t been the same since. Doctors can see nothing wrong with it and have no answers for me, but I’m very limited in how much I can walk now. When it happened, I had somewhat-recently (one year prior) gotten into hiking, so I was really sad to lose that. I’m quite young so I always assumed I had time to get out and hike, explore, travel. It felt really unfair! And still does. But I’ll keep trying to keep at physio and give it a chance to improve.
I wish the best for you in your journey to work with your body!! I always think that my body is doing its best for me, and wants to be well, even when it’s struggling. Good luck with it all, and good on your for sitting with and feeling it all even when it’s difficult. It sounds like you’ve come a long way.
Jeez, Will, after reading your message I had to wonder if we had the same father, although in my case it was a mother. Nothing I did was ever good enough. At one point when I was five years old I was out walking with her when some ferocious dogs began attacking us. She ran away and left me alone to deal with them. As a result I was terrified of dogs and realized I had to fend for gradually g myself. I also had a rare medical condition which went undiagnosed until I was forty which left me with the feeling of a perpetual hangover and intense endless bone pain (it’s called systemic mastocytosis in case you were wondering) along with a myriad of other horrible symptoms. If that weren’t enough I had a 2-storey fall, 3 major car accidents and a somewhat minor plane crash all of which really screwed up my back. More pain, of course. What pretty much saved me, was when a doctor said “I don’t know what else to do with you,” and sent me to Feldenkrais physical therapy which was so different than other therapies I had tried – and it actually worked! After 5 years of such intense pain that I spent most of my days vomiting and passing out, within 3 sessions – THREE – I was essentially pain free. I still had all the injuries and always will but Feldenkrais taught my body how to work around damaged areas so I could live pretty much pain free. It also taught me how to live easier with my mastocytosis to the extent that I could cut my medication down from 4 pills a day to 1. It is truly a miracle so if you haven’t tried it I highly you recommend you look into it. It is a recognized but little known form of therapy. Oh, and by the way, I eventually got over my fear of dogs and now run a national rescue for Saluki hounds STOLA – Saluki Tree of Life Alliance, stola.org. I feel your pain about the loss of your dog. We have that in common too. I’ve had 22 dogs and even though some are gone I still love every one of them. My possibly unwanted advice, get another dog very soon. There are so many that need good homes. It’s not a betrayal, it’s a tribute. Take care, Cherie
I switched from running to swimming – guess what I listen to on my swimming headphones? A whole lot of The Warning. It’s ok Wil, we’re all in this together.
Seconding irishmansdiary on Zombies, Run! If it isn’t upsetting to listen to, after the first injury, it’s as good as ever.
FWIW, I’m a 50-year-old woman, 16 months out from active cancer treatment. A lifelong nerd, bad at gym class. I have definitely completed a workout or two to It’s Storytime. This year I completed a sprint triathlon. Not because my body suddenly improved, but because I had a guild — a team of cancer survivors who trained with me. The Fellowship didn’t make it to Mordor solo either.
I love Zombies, Run! I did so many runs with it back in the day, and it carried me all the way through my first 5K.
I’m not doing it this time, but it is totally on my horizon, I think, after I finish getting back into shape.
Most important – I am absolutely not a doctor, just someone who ends up injuring herself overdoing it so very often – but your leg pain sounds like shin splints to me. I’ve given up a couple of sports over the years because the pain in my leg hurts more than any enjoyment I was getting. But there are specific exercises and stretches that IF that’s what’s going on for you, they could help.
You’re amazing and I hope you can get to a point where you can run or be otherwise active without pain!
Oh, and thank you for Story Time, I was gutted when Levar ended his podcast and thrilled to bits when you started yours!
Muscle cramps can be caused by not having enough of some mineral/electrolyte in your system. You might want to ask an expert about the best way to keep that balanced. There are topical sources of minerals which can be applied directly to the affected area and be absorbed into the muscles.
When I sweat a lot, I get depleted of magnesium. I used to exercise in a way that felt great at the time, then feel terrible the next day. Discovering topical magnesium really changed my life.
Hi Molly! For cramps—which I actually suffer from a lot at night even though I don’t exercise—the ideal choice is Magnesium Citrate, not the regular one. This one is specific for cramps, since there are many types of magnesium. And don’t forget about Potassium, because they work together for proper absorption in the body.
I see everyone talking a lot about Zombies, Run! Is there a setting to run just a quarter of a block? Or to make the zombies run super slow, haha like a classic The Walking Dead zombie style? LOL
Still trying to figure out the “whether worth it or not” Lots of skeletons and ghosts from the past still speaking to me and I’m 64 years old. With all of the counseling I have had and the “I know better” mantras I tell myself, I still struggle. Two years ago I had emergency open heart surgery. I almost didn’t live through it but here I am. I did. A lot of PTSD has sprung from all of that. I am better. I am. But days like today….meh. Glad you are better. It is good to know some of us have found what it takes to move forward.