WIL WHEATON dot NET

50,000 Monkeys at 50,000 Typewriters Can't Be Wrong

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W.O.R.K (N.O. Nah, No No My Daddy Don’t)

My work life is weird. Most people have a reliable schedule and know when they’ll work, and how much. They can plan out their week, their month, and their budget accordingly. But not me. I will go weeks or months without a job, and then work my face off for 45 straight days. I’ll look at an empty week on my calendar that suddenly fills up before the end of Monday. I’ll have zero jobs and a wide open calendar for weeks at a time, and then four jobs all want me and they can only work at exactly the same time so I have to choose just one. (I hate it when that happens. I’d do so much more cool stuff if not for the constant conflicts).

I mean, look, this as far as problems go, as far as uncertainty goes … this is not the worst thing. I love how much I get to just do my own thing, usually whenever I want to, it’s not the worst thing! But I also am not crazy about that uncertainty. To make it less intense, we made a choice about 15 years ago to keep a year of liquidity in savings, just in case. Knock on wood, we haven’t needed it. And to take even more control over my life and career, I started developing this project that, if it finds its audience, could become the thing I do full time. I would love that. You have no idea.

This week, I’ve been working my face off on what feels like the final lap of this passion project I’ve been developing for a couple of years. Late last year, after a long development process that felt at times like it would never end, I started work on the thing. Last week, we hit a significant milestone that allowed us to set a release date on the calendar for next month, and I’ve spent all day every day this week doing so much writing for it, my fingers are numb and my brain is mush. I want to keep going, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

It’s been a nice break from the horrors, though, and I have been so grateful for that. It reminds me that, even though everything is terrible and America is in the middle of a fascist coup, we still need breaks from the fight to restore our hit points and our mana. We need to step away from the fire hose of social media and all of its algorithmically-driven agitation and addiction. We need to breathe and taste the air and practice some quiet self care. As an entertainer, I can help create that space for anyone who wants or needs it. That’s how I can be a Helper. That’s what I want to do with my work, and that’s what this project is all about.

I really want to make sure you know about this when it releases. The best way to make sure you do is by signing up for email alerts when I make pots posts on my blog. If I did what I think I did, you should be navigating about ninety thousand popups and reminders that you can subscribe.

Here’s one more.

Okay bye!

21 February, 2025 Wil 81 Comments
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a couple of og star trek kids, talking about what it is like to be the og star trek kids

Cirroc Lofton played Jake Sisko on Deep Space Nine. I played Wesley Crusher on The Next Generation.

And before this week, he and I never talked about it, which is something that’s been on my mind since we saw each other at the Star Trek: Picard season 3 premiere.

This week, things finally lined up and I was a guest on his show, The 7th Rule. We talked about The Game, our space families, and what it means to be the og star trek kids.

I’ve embedded it below, or you can follow this link to watch it.

And while I have your attention, I wanted to share this exciting bit of news: I narrated Bill Gates’ memoir, Source Code.

Here’s the description:

The origin story of one of the most influential and transformative business leaders and philanthropists of the modern age

The business triumphs of Bill Gates are widely known: the twenty-year-old who dropped out of Harvard to start a software company that became an industry giant and changed the way the world works and lives; the billionaire many times over who turned his attention to philanthropic pursuits to address climate change, global health, and U.S. education.
 
Source Code is not about Microsoft or the Gates Foundation or the future of technology. It’s the human, personal story of how Bill Gates became who he is today: his childhood, his early passions and pursuits. It’s the story of his principled grandmother and ambitious parents, his first deep friendships and the sudden death of his best friend; of his struggles to fit in and his discovery of a world of coding and computers in the dawn of a new era; of embarking in his early teens on a path that took him from midnight escapades at a nearby computer center to his college dorm room, where he sparked a revolution that would change the world.
 
Bill Gates tells this, his own story, for the first time: wise, warm, revealing, it’s a fascinating portrait of an American life.

I didn’t want to let the work get dry and academic, which is a real possibility when doing someone else’s memoir, so I treated it as if I were playing a character, the character of Bill Gates, who is telling you this story of his remarkable young life, and the founding of his company. I got into his head, into his character, and did all the work I would have done if I were playing him on camera or on stage. I’m so proud of how it all turned out. I would never be cast to play him on camera, and it’s the kind of work that isn’t really recognized in my industry the way on camera is, but that doesn’t diminish it in any way. I am so grateful that I got to do it.

It released last week, and I am intensely proud of it. We talk about it a bit in this podcast, that I feel like I leveled up my skills when I was doing Source Code (and Picks & Shovels, and When The Moon Hits Your Eye), and it’s some of the best work I’ve ever done.

9 February, 2025 Wil 33 Comments
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“that’s the picard maneuver. you can’t do that.”

There’s a post in r/startrek collecting some of the more memorable stories we have told, and fans have remembered, over the decades.

I added one of my own, which I know I’ve written about before, but not here, I don’t think.

It’s about Patrick Stewart tugging on his tunic top, which always wanted to ride up when he (or anyone wearing the uniform) sat down. Because Patrick can’t do anything halfway, he made it very dramatic. Over time, he began to use it as a little bit of business in appropriate moments.

This is a story about that.

We were filming on the bridge. The scene started with Wesley standing, and after half a page or so, he sits down at the conn and I think plots a course or something.

Whenever Wesley sat down, he pulled his jacket tight, just like Picard always did. If you look, you’ll see that we all do that. That’s an important bit of context: we all did that.

So it was like take four of the scene. After we cut on take three, this producer came into the set and stood off camera, just to the right of the viewscreen, as we were looking at it. We do take four, and while we are resetting for take five, this producer comes over to me, leans down so nobody can hear him, and says, “You can’t pull your tunic down like that. That’s the Picard Maneuver, and only Picard can do that.”

So, first of all: this guy is so far out of his lane, he isn’t on the map. If anyone is ever going to talk to an actor, especially in between takes, it always goes through the First Assistant Director, and the Director. It’s a matter of professional respect, and it’s important for our work. If anyone can come up and give us notes or whatever, we will end up with all these conflicting notes, unsure which one to actually listen to.

I’m just 17 or so, and even I know all of this, but I don’t want to get in trouble, so I just say, “…okay. How am I supposed to stop it from riding up to my tits when I sit down? Because that’s what happens.”

He looks so annoyed at me, and sort of bark-whispers, “Just don’t touch it.” And he scurries away into the darkness of the stage.

I am so tired of being treated differently than these same people treat the adults, and I still haven’t learned how to speak up for myself, directly. But I am about to engage in a bit of malicious compliance, the only form of resistance I know how to employ.

We reset, they roll, and when Wesley sits down, his tunic comes all the way up, just like I said it would. It exposes my fake muscle suit, my bracers holding up my trousers, and absolutely ruins the take.

“Cut!” The director calls from offstage.

“Wil, you have to pull your tunic down,” he says, with this tone of utter confusion. Like, obviously.

“Yeah, I know,” I say, looking straight at the guy who is about to wish he’d stayed in his lane, “but [his name] told me that I wasn’t allowed to do the Picard Maneuver, so…” and I shrug, the tunic still bunched up.

That guy turned so bright red, he lit up in the darkness. Everyone on the entire crew looked at him. He sputtered something, and quickly fled the stage.

I made eye contact with Brent and with Frakes. They both looked back at me, communicating their approval. It felt great.

I can’t say for sure that we printed the next take and moved on, but it’s a great way to end the story so let’s go with that.

That guy never gave me a note again. If I recall correctly, my little tunic tug (similar to, yet legally distinctly different from the Picard Maneuver) is in the final cut of the episode

4 February, 2025 Wil 91 Comments
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ur fascism by umberto eco

Four years ago, I recorded and released narrations of short material that I pulled from the public domain. I did my best to release one a week, as an experiment. I wondered if I could, one day, so something like this that actually paid some bills.

I had fun doing it. I picked pieces that were interesting to me, and didn’t spend any time at all trying to master perfect audio. It was a deliberately DIY effort. The audience wasn’t huge, but the people who listened to it really liked it. At some point, I even got a few requests, including this one.

This is Umberto Eco’s essential essay, Ur Fascism, originally written in 1995. It was shockingly relevant in in 2020, after four years of attempted tyranny, and it remains terrifyingly relevant after one week of ongoing tyranny.

I humbly submit this and ask for a bit of your time; I believe it’s an important, timely, essay.

28 January, 2025 Wil 29 Comments
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i did some great work on some audiobooks that are about to be released, and i want you to know about them.

I closed out last year with two straight months of audiobook work on a number of projects I am so thrilled to be part of.

One of them was just announced yesterday, and as many of you correctly guessed, it’s When The Moon Hits Your Eye, by John Scalzi:

The moon has turned into cheese.

Now humanity has to deal with it.

I could quote more, but I feel like the people who are going to love love love this book like I did don’t need to know any more than that. You can pre-order the audiobook right here.

Another is Picks and Shovels, a new Marty Hench novel about the dawn of enshittification, from Cory Doctorow.

This is a rollicking crime thriller, a science fiction novel about the dawn of the computing revolution. It’s an archaeological expedition to uncover the fossil record of the first emergence of enshittification, a phenomenon that was born with the PC and its evil twin, the Reagan Revolution.

The year is 1982, and PCs are weird. Marty Hench is not yet Silicon Valley’s most accomplished forensic accountant, scourge of tech-bro finance scams. In 1982, Hench is a newly arrived MIT washout with a community college degree and his first job: working for Fidelity Computing, a PC company run by a Mormon bishop, a Catholic priest, and an orthodox rabbi. Sounds like a joke, right? But the joke’s on their parishoners, who are recruited into a pyramid selling faith scam that exploits social bonds to sell junk PCs that are locked in – from the gimmicked floppy disks that only work with their high-priced drives to the gimmicked tractor-feed paper that only works with their high priced printers.

Marty’s job is simple: figure out how to destroy Computing Freedom, a rival company started by three women who broke away from Fidelity, whose products are designed to unlock every customer the Reverend Sirs of Fidelity have locked in. Marty isn’t that far into this assignment when he realizes that he’s on the wrong side, and he throws his lot in with Computing Freedom’s founders: a queer orthodox woman who’s been expelled from her family, a nun who’s thrown in with antiimperialists liberation theology radicals resisting America’s dirty wars, and a Mormon woman who’s left the church over its opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment.

But when Marty sends his resignation to the Reverend Sirs, he learns that Fidelity isn’t just a weird PC company running a faith scam: it’s a violent criminal enterprise. Suddenly the stakes get a lot higher.

Picks and Shovels is a rollicking tale of the AIDS crisis, queer hardware hackers, gifted punk rock Unix programmers, Reaganomics-fuelled pyramid schemes, and the moment where the seeds of tech’s enshittification were planted in Silicon Valley. 

Cory is one of my favorite authors and thinkers. He is going to be remembered and lauded in the future for his work in this moment, when we find fascist tech broligarchs threatening to take complete control of how we communicate and how freely information — true information — flows in America and the world. His novels are not just incredibly fun and satisfying to read (or listen to me read to you), they address very serious and meaningful issues of freedom, security, equality, and human rights.

Both of these books, as well as the not-yet-announced book, were tremendously satisfying to narrate. And something wonderful happened during the sessions. My favorite director, Gabrielle, gave me a simple note at the top of a page, a suggestion that I approach this part of the text with this particular thing in mind (I’m not going to get into more detail now. I may in the future.) and when I did that, something inside of me fundamentally changed.

Imagine a few elements all sitting next t each other on a workbench. You can put them together in various orders, and get generally the same thing with some subtle differences that most people won’t notice because they don’t know to look for them.

Now imagine you are handed a catalyst — a catalyst that was sitting on another table the whole time, that you just didn’t notice — and when you pour that catalyst across the elements, they suddenly reveal something new that you didn’t even know you could create from them. And that new thing looks an awful lot like the things you’ve built from them before, only this thing is clearly different than all those other things. It’s richer, more interesting, more complex, more satisfying … it’s just more.

That happened near the beginning of these sessions, and all the work I did after that was built using this new skill. People have told me for years that I’m a good audiobook narrator, and I have the awards and stuff to sort of back that up, but I’ve never really felt it. I’ve always been afraid that I’m barely sneaking past a guard, and at any moment someone will see me and shout out THAT GUY IS A BIG FAT PHONY!

I know that’s not true, but anyone else who knows the secret handshake absolutely understands what I’m talking about.

Well, for the rest of my life, every time I sit down to narrate a story, I will be using this updated skill set, and all the confidence and serenity that comes with it.

I’m very excited for y’all to hear these books. I hope you like them.

22 January, 2025 Wil 56 Comments

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It's Storytime with Wil Wheaton


Every Wednesday, Wil narrates a new short fiction story. Available right here, or wherever you get your podcasts. Also available at Patreon.

Wil Wheaton’s Audiobooks

Still Just A Geek is available wherever you get your audiobooks.

My books Dancing Barefoot, The Happiest Days of Our Lives, and Dead Trees Give No Shelter, are all available, performed by me. You can listen to them for free, or download them, at wilwheaton.bandcamp.com.

Wil Wheaton’s Books

My New York Times bestselling memoir, Still Just A Geek is available wherever you get your books.


Visit Wil Wheaton Books dot Com for free stories, eBooks, and lots of other stuff I’ve created, including The Day After and Other Stories, and Hunter: A short, pay-what-you-want sci-fi story.

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